Proselytizing Priapism

Not a biblical scholar myself, I hesitate to criticize anybody else’s interpretation of its stories and messages.  But forgive me if this take sounds a trifle contrived:

The more, the merrier is certainly true for Ziona Chana, a 66-year-old man in India’s remote northeast who has 39 wives, 94 children and 33 grandchildren — and wouldn’t mind having more.

He heads a local Christian religious sect, called the “Chana,” which allows polygamy. Formed in June 1942, the sect believes it will soon be ruling the world with Christ and has a membership of around 400 families. — Reuters

Whatever else is getting worshipped around that happy house, it’s clear what this guy’s true love is.  Forget about how many mouths he has to feed — with 39 wives, he’s concerned about how many holes he needs to fill, and how often.

“Ziona Chana” translates to “John Boner.”

More power to him.  Not only does he get to pop his cookies twice a day (or more), he walks in the light of his Lord and Savior, blessed by his neighbors, and admired by all.  Smart marketing, and better sales.

Speaking of sales and marketing, closer to home…….What were they thinking?

A South Bend restaurant that erected billboards referring to the 1978 Jonestown cult mass suicides in which more than 900 people drank cyanide-laced punch has removed the signs after complaints that they were offensive. Jeff Leslie, vice president of sales and marketing at the Hacienda restaurant, acknowledged that the billboards were a mistake. “We made a mistake and don’t want to have a negative image in the community,” Mr. Leslie said. The billboards included the statement, “We’re like a cult with better Kool-Aid,” over a glass containing a mixed drink, as well as the phrase “To die for!”  — NYTimes

Diners in South Bend can only hope the restaurant’s food has more taste than its advertising. Turns out Hacienda’s “vice president of sales and marketing” is actually the salad chef, although after this maneuver they might wonder about letting him handle anything sharper than a hard boiled egg.

So what have we learned from these not-so-obviously related tales?

1.  Christian or not, pick your cult carefully.

2.  People will buy anything, but only if it’s packaged and sold properly.

3.  Never eat the yellow snow.

Emjoy your hump day.

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2 Responses to Proselytizing Priapism

  1. Beardsley says:

    If Ziona Chana established himself in the United States, his combination residence/farm/church/concubine might be eligible for tax exemption. You and I would be subsidizing his priapic indulgences.

  2. Hose B says:

    Have you ever eaten at a Hacienda? It’s lame, tacky, and exactly what you’d expect from a corporation trying to act Mexican enough to attract family diners, but not authentic enough to impress a Spanish speaking taste bud. Those ads were in appropriate bad taste.

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