Vitamin D Cup (updated below)

Insolently sauntering into the Liquor and Rubber Balls Sports Emporium and Thigh-Rolled Cigar Shoppe, and looking for trouble, I pull up behind Duck Diamonds and Tat, shoulder to shoulder (hers bare, his not thank god), hunched over a newspaper.

A specialist ice cream parlor plans to serve up breast milk ice cream and says people should think of it as an organic, free-range treat. — Reuters

I like the “free range”  verbiage.

“Yeah,” says Duck.  “Me, I’m thinking how much I prefer it in natural containers.”

“Isn’t there an app for that?” asks Tat

What – ice cream?  Breast milk?  Tits?  What?

“You know what I always wonder about,” muses Duck, ignoring us both.  “I wonder if vegans breast feed their babies.  Technically, wouldn’t that be an animal product?”

I sure as hell don’t know.  We look around the room to see if there’s anybody who might help with this issue.  A Hollywood sports bar, LRBs caters to lesbians, most of whom have substance abuse problems of one sort or another.  The place is crowded, but we strike out.

“For that matter,” Duck goes on, “do vegans give head?  Do they swallow?”

Tat makes like she’s ready to spit on the floor.  “Yagh.  You couldn’t get me to do that at gunpoint,” she says.

“You sound like my first wife,” says Duck.  “Who not coincidentally was my last wife.  And I tried gunpoint.”

Never say never, Duck.

Duck gives me a bemused look.  “Never say ‘never say never,’” he amends.

“So what about this ice cream,” says Tat,  “You think this is the craziest idea you’ve heard since a corduroy rubber for a groovy kind of love?”

“I guess you mean oral rubbers, Tat, and no, I don’t think it’s crazy, but I’m also about drop-dead certain I’ll never go near it.  The last titties I tasted were silicone-salty.  Nice complement to beer and cashews, and no crusty clean-up afterwards.  Thanks for asking.”

Thanks for sharing.

“Men,” says Tat.  “You’re born pigs.”

“Sucklings,” agrees Duck.

Update:  The newest ice-cream sensation- Baby Gaga- an ice-cream flavor that contains human breast milk has been taken off the market!

London’s latest flavor, launched just last week at popular ice-cream shop, The Icecreamists has already sold out and now has been taken off the shelf by authorities in fear that it may be a health hazard. Yesterday, Westmister City Council confiscated the flavor and said it would be tested before it’s put back in the Icecreamists freezer! —Long Island Press


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2 Responses to Vitamin D Cup (updated below)

  1. Camiel Toe says:

    Of course vegans breast feed their babies. The issue is about health and the way animals are treated. With regard to health, there is consensus that breast feeding is a healthy practice. With regard to animals, there’s no issue. Moms aren’t locked in barns with their utters hooked up to machines.

    Same goes for giving head and swallowing. Good for the skin, and the bondage is optional.

  2. Kent Standit says:

    Speaking of (and lusting for) breasts, Jane Russell died. People used to compare her to Zsa Zsa Gabor, but there’s no argument. Zsa Zsa doesn’t t have a leg to stand on.

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