Sometimes it gets so weird around here there’s little more to do than point it out and invite smirks and shakes of the head. Dateline Hollywood:
[A] 20-year-old Miami woman has been charged with grand theft after she allegedly stole $1,600 out of a man’s shorts and hid it in her glued-on wig, an arrest report stated.
Esther Armbrister, who has seven prior arrests for prostitution, had hooked up with a man and gone back to his room when she got a look at his bankroll. The man told police he had a billfold with close to $2,000 in $100 and $20 bills.
Yeah. Hot young babes love to see a man with a bulge in his pants. It indicates lots of……cheezbuggahs?
Armbrister stayed the night in the man’s hotel room, but when the morning came, she was in a rush to leave, police said. Before she could make it out of the door, though, the man allegedly checked his cash and noticed his Benjamin Franklins were missing. He said he confronted his new acquaintance, but she said she didn’t have the money and even stripped down, turned out her pockets and emptied her purse to prove she didn’t take the missing money. But she didn’t remove her hairpiece.
No mention yet of a full body cavity search. Oh wait — they did that overnight.
Police got involved and eventually asked the woman if they could run their fingers through her hair, so to speak. That’s when detectives found the missing money, a police report said.
Armbrister was taken to jail.
I’m a little puzzled — he calls the cops and tells them he suspects the whore he picked up the night before ripped him off? And then she gets arrested for theft, not prostitution, while he collects his cash and toddles along home? I guess it’s still a man’s world after all.
And what’s with the “glued-on wig?” Does that stay on all night, or does she pull it off on special occasions, like to stuff a handful of stolen money under it?
It’s enough to make this aging flower child long for a return of free love.
Meanwhile, across town…
A 16-year-old girl who had spent Sunday at church found herself without a ride after services. A fellow church member offered to drive her home. Police say 23-year-old Edwin Carrillo-Garcia did not drive her straight home and instead took her to an unknown, abandoned area in Southwest Miami-Dade.
Carrillo-Garcia then asked the victim for sex and when she repeatedly said no, he stripped her clothes off from the waist down and forced himself on her, according to the police report. Police say Carrillo-Garcia admitted to forcing the victim to have intercourse with him after she told him “no” more than once.
Stop right there. “No” is a very ambiguous term, especially when it’s reiterated forcefully in circumstances where clothing is torn off and where sex between non-consenting underage persons are involved. Besides, these are good church-going folks — don’t they usually like to eat macaroni salad after prayer and ask What Would Jesus Do? than have sex? Let alone rape?
“I’m very, very upset. I am very surprised. You would never think people would do something like that here,” said Jacento Yac, the Assistant Pastor of Church of God. “I feel bad because you are not supposed to do things like this as a church member. You are supposed to take the moral path.” — Miami Hurled
Whoa. Forceful. Pastor Yac is a dynamo, yes? He just doesn’t quite understand those who stray to worship at the Church of the Engorged Member. The Moral Path has potholes, Pastor. Step in one you could go lame. Almost as lame as your reaction.
But I’m sure he doesn’t wear a rag on his head, and can produce his birth certificate.