The first known “gay caveman” has been unearthed in a dig outside Prague, researchers believe. Archeological team members based their conclusion on the fact that the male body was interred in a ritualistic way reserved for females. “We know people from this period took funeral rites very seriously so it is highly unlikely that this positioning was a mistake,” said the lead archaeologist. “Far more likely is that he was a man with a different sexual orientation—homosexual or transsexual,” she added.
The body dates to as long ago as 2900 BC, reports the Telegraph, and was buried with the head pointing east and surrounded by domestic jugs. Men at the time were buried facing west and surrounded by weapons and tools. —Newser
I have my doubts about this. “Surrounded by domestic jugs?” Oh, wait. I see.
The archeological team nicknamed the find “Bruce,” and also reported finding accessories associated with interior decorating and scrap books. “Everything in the dig was just so perfect,” a team member noted, admiringly.
A representative from the Czech government agency overseeing the excavation — I’d mention it by name but I can’t spell it — refused comment on the discovery. “We’re drinking beer,” he said. “We do that a lot, even when we’re NOT ducking controversy.”
Scientists are now forced to reevaluate accepted conclusions that gay behavior commenced among ancient Greeks and California Democrats. “Bruce is a real trend-setter,” concluded one researcher. “He probably was back then, too!”
It’s possible, of course, that the burial was in fact an act of vengeance against an enemy who wanted to defame the deceased for eternity by violating cultural norms. The Czechs are known for their subtle cruelty and thirst for revenge — ask any Slovakian — and Bruce could well be an example of both. But then, consistent with the plan, there should have been a foreign object inserted in his western exposure.
The dig also revealed what appears to be a mass grave for the unborn — fetuses never carried to term. Researchers have dubbed these, “cancelled Czechs.”
[Thanks to Thor for this and 2 other leads this week!]