Hoi, Mites! Watchiss, ain!!

That’s transliterated Cockney for the punch line of the old joke:  What are the most commonly-uttered last words by a redneck?  “Hey fellers!  Watch this!

A 23-year-old British stuntman was killed after a safety net failed during his “human cannonball” routine at an Easter Monday daredevil show in southern England.

Hundreds of people at the Kent County Showground in Detling watched on as the man plunged to the ground after being fired around 40 feet (12 meters) into the air.

“The last picture I’ve got of him, you can see the net is flat on the floor,” eye-witness Rob Hutchinson said. “It’s not up in the air, and he is coming down head-first towards the ground. I saw him hit the floor and bounce.

“It was deathly silent,” he added. “That’s when the announcer said, there’s been a bit of an accident.” —  HeraldSun

Ugh.  That must have left a mark.  Or at least a puddle.

I love the “bit of an accident” commentary.  A spot of unpleasantness.  A bothersome setback to the afternoon’s festivities, but they’ll carry on.  Right after mopping up.

Do you suppose that kids in the crowd were puzzled to discover that there’s no reset button in real life, and, unlike their assorted play stations and telephone apps, a dead stuntman stays dead?  That was a real live death that unfolded out there for their amusement.

I don’t mean to be callous, but it strikes me that if you make your living having your ass blasted out of large guns like this, there’s a reason you pay a high insurance premium.  Like tightrope walkers, stunt motorcyclists, and those maniacs who juggle chainsaws, you’re daring the fates who have scores to settle and nothing to lose.

And ferchrissake, what does this have to do with Easter?  Happy Holiday, Citizens!  No scourging or crucifixions this morning, but we have this fellow to shoot from a cannon instead.  Clear the courtyard, please.  It might get messy.  Next, head over to the senior citizens’ tent for the Bobbing for Oxygen contest, brought to you by the National Health.

Sometimes I think if Jesus has known what was coming he’d have stayed in that cave.

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10 Responses to Hoi, Mites! Watchiss, ain!!

  1. I believe that Easter Monday is the day God looked at the recently risen Jesus and said, ‘Not him…the other guy, Me dammit” and dropped him back to Earth…kerschplatttt……and hence the falling and crashing Human Kannonball from Kent hits the Earth soundly ….. commerating Jesus’ fall back the day after that very first Easter. Didn’t you pay attention in Catechism class?????? Pagan

  2. Jos. A Bank says:

    Idiot. I told him to buy one of my Heavy Spring Suits.

    • Mister E says:

      Ouch. That one hurts as much as the fall.

      I wonder what else goes on at these Easter celebrations – dwarf tosses? Ale tasting? Demolition derby? Their celebrations sound like what the world will look like when President Donald Trump takes office.

  3. 'Nonymous says:

    Easter doesn’t fare much better in Obama’s America. The Holy Day came and went without a Presidential proclamation, even though he does make certain to note the occurrence of Ramadan each year. Meanwhile, his White House celebration features such secular activities as an Easter egg roll and a tip of the hat to his wife’s Get Up and Go

  4. Dr. Robert Bentley, M.D says:

    It’s strange we have one of the fattest Surgeon Generals ever. What a role model of for Kid Fitness.

  5. Mr. Mirth says:

    Bread and circuses…

    Just thinning the herd…

    • A True Muslim Speaks says:

      Dear boy. Your comments are always the same “Thin The Heard.”

      I can only assume this remark is directed at our people.

      Death to Christians.

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