Art of the Squeal

I

n yet another strange twist on the Osama bin Laden saga, Donald Trump revealed that in 2002, he had looked into buying the property in eastern Pakistan on which the Al Qaida leader’s compound had been built just a few years afterwards.

“I was looking for investments, of course,” the Donald told reporters.  “I had this idea that once hostilities ended there would be opportunities for trade, travel, and business between the two nations, and this location seemed ideal.  Location, you ever hear of it?  There are three rules about real estate, you know  —  Trump, Location, and Trump.  And Trump.”

The deal never materialized, and Trump moved on.

“I had no idea bin Laden had any interest in the property or the deal,” Trump stated flatly.  “When I do a deal, I’m not concerned about the other guy, I’m only concerned about Donald Trump and what I’m getting out of it, so I don’t pay attention to anything irrelevant like who I’m dealing with.  That’s all explained in my book, The Art of the Deal.  Never read it?  Then you’re one of the few people on the planet who hasn’t.”

When asked what his development ideas had been, Trump said he was thinking about a high-end spa and resort hotel catering to wealthy tourists and businessman, with an eye toward expanding into a casino at some future date “when this horse’s ass of a backwards culture gets its act together.”

He added, “I would rename the whole area, too.  What the hell is ‘Abbottobad,’ anyway?  He wasn’t even the senior partner in that pair — Costello was.  Why isn’t it ‘Costellobad,’ if they’re going that way?  I was going to call it Trumpistan  — simple, strong, and memorably branded.  These people don’t think like that which is why they’re so dirt poor and pathetic.  And have you seen the women?  No wonder they cover up!”

The Donald declared he no longer has any interest in the property, not because it’s been shot up and shabby, but because “it’s been contaminated by its occupants and its place in history.  There’s no profit or glory in any of that, and I don’t have time for anything else,” he explained.

“But if I ended up with it I’d turn it into a pig farm,” he added  “That would send a message.  Trump that!”

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3 Responses to Art of the Squeal

  1. I assume the flag of Trumpistan pictures a big mouth eating a douchebag. Abbotabad is a good name however because the Pakistani government never seems to know ‘who’s on first” anyway . ‘I don’t know ‘ plays third.

  2. Barbara Ganousch says:

    Is it too late to abort Donald Trump?

  3. Piles says:

    Funny. I think he should buy it anyway, and I love the idea of putting a pig farm there. That might make him popular again and get him taken seriously as a candidate for president, assuring another Republican defeat.

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