This Land Is His Land

TALLAHASSEE — The American Civil Liberties Union of Florida is suing Gov. Rick Scott to stop random drug testing of state employees, a policy enacted by Scott shortly after taking office.

Attorneys argue that the new policy, which calls for random drug testing of more than 100,000 state employees, violates the U.S. Constitution’s ban on unlawful searches and seizures….Mandatory drug testing has been tested in a patchwork of cases over the years, with the U.S. Supreme Court supporting it for employees – like railroad workers and some Customs employees – whose jobs could affect public safety. But it ruled against “suspicion-less” testing in a Georgia case where the state required all candidates for certain state offices to pass a drug test. —  Sun Sentinel

Here we go again.  Here come those conservative “get government off our backs” ‘Pubs insinuating government into people’s lives, this time though their bladders and blood.  “Hey $18,000/year file clerk!  Pis in this bottle!  Maybe you’re stoned!”

Governor Dickwithears is as transparent in his motives as he is follically challenged.  Is there any doubt in your mind that the incentive for this outrageous policy has nothing to do with a drug-free workplace, but everything to do with the money to be made by his own financial interest in conducting drug tests?   That’s his field and M.O., remember: ripping off governments through fraudulent medical billings.

What is the point of this policy?  Can somebody show me evidence that after-work and weekend dope smokers are less effective employees than daily drinkers, pain-pill abusers, speed freaks, and brain-dead graduates of southern universities?  Can somebody provide evidence that smoking marijuana is as dangerous to health and/or job performance as smoking cigarettes, crack, or iguana thyroid?  Or sucking down those perfectly legal canned high energy sugar and caffeine concoctions?

The underlying bias here is that drugs of any variety are e-v-i-l and lead to moral deprivations like homosexuality, communism, AIDS, and Birkenstocks.   In sum, it’s some kind of 1950’s era mentality that forms the cultural center and comfort zone of today’s political conservatives.

There are excellent reasons for drug-testing certain individual employees, and there are sound rationales for subjecting certain high-profile, high[-stress, high-security personnel for drugs.  A blanket policy covering everybody makes no economical or practical sense (leaving aside those pesky Constitutional issues).  These considerations are ‘way too subtle for Gov Dickwithears to grasp.

Perhaps the best reason for testing, though, is to determine whether the government employee is drugged or just stupid.

“I said on the campaign trail that if elected, I would run Florida state government like a business,” he told reporters.  “This policy serves to intimidate employees while diverting public funds to private enterprise like mine — specifically mine.   THAT’S the way you run government like a business.  What don’t you understand?”

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8 Responses to This Land Is His Land

  1. themasspube says:

    So this old Jewish lady goes to the kosher butcher and buys a chicken but wants to inspect it first. First she sniff’s under it wings, then opens it dead beak and smells its mouth and finally turns the chicken over and smells its ass. She says to the butcher, “I don’t want this chicken. Its rotten”. The butcher says, “Lady , I’ll take the chicken back but let me ask you one question….could you pass that test?”

    Governor Scott, could you pass that test???? Its martinis in the water fountains at the state house, isn’t it!!! C’mon, you can tell me.

  2. Ruh Roh says:

    So they’re drug-tested and the results come back positive — now what? Is this grounds for dismissal, or just the first step in an enless process of appeal during which the employee is suspended with pay and the taxpayers get to fund not only a non-working employee, but attorneys from both sides?

  3. Mr Schwinnckle says:

    I worked for a company that had random drug testing. At this point in my life for some reason I couldnt swallow a pill and didnt like needles. I get the tap on the shoulder to come with me. Oh great this is a waste of my time, your time, and company money I tell the woman. Piss in this. Ok, but I am telling you its a waste of time. I cant swallow a pill, and I dont do needles. I have no time for drugs. I want to go back and draw and make money. Piss in this. OK….. A few months later, who was the one fired for doing drugs / alcohol abuse. The one in charge of the insurance and drug testing for the company…… GO FIGURE!

  4. Joe Balls says:

    Is there evidence of a problem in Florida with its state employees? Why is this a priority? I have to think it’s either all for show or somebody’s making money. Or both.

  5. Diesel Fitter says:

    This is all bass-ackwards. There should be mandatory drug usage, not mandatory drug tests. A drugged-out state government wouldn’t be able to function, which, looking at what they do when they’re doing anything at all, would be an improvement.

  6. Rick says:

    And there’s the other little thing that hasn’t been mentioned here that it’s already been determined by appeals courts to be illegal, not that the law has ever been a guiding force in this piece of crap’s life.


  7. NicFitKid says:

    Florida state employees who partake of the reefer, smoke crystal, snort blow or otherwise debase themselves with those evil, evil illegal drugs, I have a solution for you:

    Switch to Oxycontin.

    Seriously, the governor is down with oxy, and supports your right to buy thousands of pills a month. True Story.

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