The Customer Is Always Right

I’m trying not to giggle and write, “Claig’s Rist.”  Oops.  Fail.

A 17-year-old student in Anhui Province [China] sold one of his kidneys for 20,000 yuan only to buy an iPad 2. Now, with his health getting worse, the boy is feeling regret but it is too late, the Global Times reported today.

“I wanted to buy an iPad 2 but could not afford it,” said the boy surnamed Zheng in Huaishan City. “A broker contacted me on the Internet and said he could help me sell one kidney for 20,000 yuan.” —

Relax, kid.  You got one more, right?  Anticipating 21stcentury marketing gurus like Steven Jobs, God gave man a redundant kidney structure.  And plenty more if some of those games and apps appeal to you.  It’s all about values, y’understand?

That noted, you probably got hosed.  According to my best informative sources (thanks again, Thor!) those 20,000.00 bamboo soldiers  are worth $3,084.37.  Just three grand and change for your fresh pink kidney, and you ordered a la carte.  Not even slaw or fries.

Too bad he didn’t have something better to sell, like this enterprising American capitalist, who attempted to sell her virgin daughter’s snatch for $10,000:

Felicia Rae McClure has been charged with trying to sell her 13-year-old daughter’s virginity to a guy named “Don” for $10,000.

Salt Lake police reported that Don took the mother and daughter to Victoria’s Secret where they modeled bras and thongs and took photographs. Police also report that pictures were sent to a man named “Will.”

The daughter initially agreed to have sex, but later changed her mind —

There’s nothing in the news report that illuminates Mom’s business plan, so we can’t just assume she, too,  wanted an iPad2.   Besides, she 32, not 13.   No, I’m guessing she wanted these funds for her 401(k).  K, as in Krack.  Bidness is bidness.

I don’t get this infatuation with virgins anyway.  You want to hear something pop, heat up some microwave popcorn.  As for bloodying your dipstick or earning your red wings, you can do that with most women under age 40 if you time it right.  What, there’s a principle involved?  First in?  I’m sure that’s highly spiritual for both parties, especially when you’re buying.

It’s hard to pick a winner in a race to the bottom.  The kid gets his iPad, but loses a kidney and  shortens his life.  Mom gets a prison sentence and a reputation sufficiently repulsive to appall the congregation of Westboro Baptist Church.  The virgin keeps her hymen for a few more weeks (presumably), but her home life is as supportive and reliable as the Manson family.

I guess we’re the winners.  Bring on the popcorn.

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3 Responses to The Customer Is Always Right

  1. Mumblety Peg says:

    Men are such pigs.

  2. Stan Garde says:

    Tell me: Do you make it a regular habit to read the Shanghai Daily?

  3. Above all, a well written piece of writing.

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