Thanks for dropping by. You arrive here in anticipation of (select one or more) snark, adolescent humor, bad language, oddly insightful (if nasty) commentary, cheap laffs. I understand, and I’m grateful.The trouble (today) is, the Phillies/Marlins doubleheader ran into extra innings last night, and the crowd at the Liquor & Rubber Balls Sports Emporium & Medical Pain Relief Clinic just got rowdier , nastier, and drunker as the night went on, divided, as always, between boisterous Marlins fans and, well, me.
The Phillies kicked teal ass in the first game, 8-1, and it wasn’t as close as the score makes it sound. The Marlins played like crippled girls, continuing their month-long delamination in a fish-like descent to the murky bottom of the standings.
In Game 2 — and this is the one I watched at LRB’s, trading beers and bets with former Cubs sportswriter Vera Lu Senz — the Marlins managed to solve Roy Halladay and limp into the bottom of the 9th with a 2-run lead and their closer on the mound. They promptly blew it, sending the game into extra innings, then losing it in the 10th.
Ha! Pathetic choking losers!
It was at this point that I became intolerably obnoxious, hurling abuse at loser Marlins fans and jeering them with all the crude language and rude gestures I grew up with as a Phillies fans in the City of Bodily Harm. Trust me, if you haven’t discovered this for yourself already: Philadelphia people can be very fucking rude. Also, keep in mind that I was surrounded and out-numbered, and that the enemy consisted primarily of vicious Lesbian sports fans — this is the usual LRB crowd, after all — many of whom outweigh me. And yes, we had all been drinking.
Fights don’t get very far at LRB’s thanks to the massive and intimidating presence of bartender/bouncer Don Tequila, but even he can’t stop every punch or flung shot glass. There was a spot of unpleasantness, yes, and some broken glass, but no arrests, field surgery, or sexual assaults. In fact, we all said What The Hell, drank some more, and ended up hugging each other. Don ended up throwing all of us out. Again.
Anyway what this means is I may post something else later today but don’t count on it especially because they play again this afternoon — insane scheduling — and I fully anticipate picking up where I left off.
Marlins fans. Just when you could use a boost to salve the wounds of the flamed-out Heat, you get the worst melt-down in Marlins’ short history. They can’t buy, beg, borrow, or steal a victory these days. Plus you have to deal with other teams’ fans like me. If I only had a heart, I’d care.