Beg Borrow and Teal

Dear Readers:

Thanks for dropping by.  You arrive here in anticipation of (select one or more) snark, adolescent humor, bad language, oddly insightful (if nasty) commentary, cheap laffs.  I understand, and I’m grateful.The trouble (today) is, the Phillies/Marlins doubleheader ran into extra innings last night, and the crowd at the Liquor & Rubber Balls Sports Emporium & Medical Pain Relief Clinic just got rowdier , nastier, and drunker as the night went on, divided, as always, between boisterous Marlins fans and, well, me.

The Phillies kicked teal ass in the first game, 8-1, and it wasn’t as close as the score makes it sound.  The Marlins played like crippled girls, continuing their month-long delamination in a fish-like descent to the murky bottom of the standings.

In Game 2 — and this is the one I watched at LRB’s, trading beers and bets with former Cubs sportswriter Vera Lu Senz — the Marlins managed to solve Roy Halladay and limp into the bottom of the 9th with a 2-run lead and their closer on the mound.  They promptly blew it, sending the game into extra innings, then losing it in the 10th.

Ha!  Pathetic choking losers!

It was at this point that I became intolerably obnoxious, hurling abuse at loser Marlins fans and jeering them with all the crude language and rude gestures I grew up with as a Phillies fans in the City of Bodily Harm.  Trust me, if you haven’t discovered this for yourself already: Philadelphia people can be very fucking rude.  Also, keep in mind that I was surrounded and out-numbered, and that the enemy consisted primarily of vicious Lesbian sports fans — this is the usual LRB crowd, after all — many of whom outweigh me.  And yes, we had all been drinking.

Fights don’t get very far at LRB’s thanks to the massive and intimidating presence of bartender/bouncer Don Tequila, but even he can’t stop every punch or flung shot glass.  There was a spot of unpleasantness, yes, and some broken glass, but no arrests, field surgery, or sexual assaults.  In fact, we all said What The Hell, drank some more, and ended up hugging each other.   Don ended up throwing all of us out.  Again.

Anyway what this means is I may post something else later today but don’t count on it especially because they play again this afternoon — insane scheduling —  and I fully anticipate picking up where I left off.

Marlins fans.  Just when you could use a boost to salve the wounds of the flamed-out Heat, you get  the worst melt-down in Marlins’ short history.  They can’t buy, beg, borrow, or steal a victory these days.   Plus you have to deal with other teams’ fans like me.  If I only had a heart, I’d care.

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6 Responses to Beg Borrow and Teal

  1. Teal Thru and Thru says:

    Why do you hate Miami?

  2. Borkon says:

    It was also reported locally that the second game attracted the largest home crowd in stadium history, consecutive sellout #162. That’s a lot of beer. I’m glad you upheld the reputation of Philly fans down there in your steaming backwater.

  3. Lu Senz says:

    You weren’t obnoxious last night, Squattter, you were typical of your generation of Phillies fans, who reflect the franchise’s record of losingest baseball team in history. As a diehard Cubs fan, I know something about losing and futility myself. The difference, oif course, is that the Phillies have turned it around in a fashion that could only be described as epic.

    We discussed all this yesterday but I bet you forgot.

    Besides, you exaggerate. Most of the LRB crowd was more interested in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup. I think somebody must have won, too.

  4. Key Liam says:

    Baseball. Boooooooo-ring. I guess that’s why you watch it where you can medicate.

  5. Mr Schwinnckle says:

    I have been here for 31 years. Been to only 1 Marlins Game, the tickets were free, hell they give them away! I just saw a coupon for buy 1 get 1 free for Marlins Games. Only catch (not that they can catch a ball) was that its not good for games with Phillies, Cubs, and Mets. Ok so that means most of the good teams that will most likely kick the Marlins ass! I cant goto the Phillies game in July as I wont be here. Damn! Only game I would consider going to with Squats and Guido. We could wear our Phillies shirts. Fuck the Fish! Go Phillies!

  6. ya' gotta' guessit' says:

    We went to both games – the afternoon affair was a make-up for an earlier rainout, hence the 3-games-in-24-hours scheduling.

    They cleared everyone out after Game 1, so it was Dante & Luigi’s for an early dinner, and then back on the subway for Game 2.

    LuSenz is right on the money about your generation of Phillies’ fans, Squathole – living in tropical exile, and unable to get to a hometown game, you’ve only been able to observe events from afar, and through eyes reddened by countless tears.

    Those of us who were not outright killed by the events of 1964, became disillusioned, angry adults with a fatalistic attitude when it came to our team, but two full generations have come of age since then – two generations who couldn’t care less about ancient history, and pack the best ballpark in MLB to overflowing every single night, and here’s the thing: they expect a win.
    They EXPECT a win!!

    Embrace The Now, Squathole…embrace The Now.

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