Aaaaaah, Monday morning.  Had your coffee yet?

A [Guantanamo] captive on a hunger strike had been jamming something…up his nose to contaminate the pathway for medical staff who feed him a nutritional shake twice a day…..

The captive was jamming his own excrement up his nose. On the topic of bodily waste abuse, prison camp management “will not speculate on the motivations for this behavior,” said Navy Cmdr Tamsen Reese, who confirmed the account of country artist Natalie Stovall.

The guards see it as a tactic meant to demean those tasked with keeping the captive alive, wrote Stovall in a blog post. “It means the medic putting the tube up his nose and down his throat must clean out the feces first.’’ But Stovall wondered whether the prisoner was debasing himself as well. — NYTimes

Guess there’s no point to waterboarding THIS customer.  When it comes to administering torture, this badass is his own worst tormentor.

The idea that some terrorists are this desperate and miserable might be comforting in an Old Testament/schadenfreude sort of way — I mean, wouldn’t it be pleasant to see the late OBL starving himself to death, and having his own shit stuffed up his nose?  (Talk about warm and fuzzy.)  The big problem here is that these poor bastards at Guantanamo might not be guilty of anything but having bad luck, worse timing, and some highly-placed enemies.

Damn.  Whatever happened to the smell of fresh Napalm in the morning?

It’s also interesting that the captors’ perspective is that the captive “weaponizing” himself is about making life miserable for them, not necessarily to the captive himself in his quest to preserve his hunger strike.  It’s all about us, isn’t it.

Still, the act of smearing feces is not unique to foreign captives accused of ties to al Qaeda and trying to torment their captors…… The phenomenon is “generally regarded as a sign of mental illness or abject desperation or both,” says psychologist Craig Haney…. “As bizarre and distasteful as it may seem,” he said, “they turn to one of the few things over which they have control — their feces.”

No shit.  Well, we’ve all felt like this at some point, haven’t we?  When things spin out of control, all the breaks go the other way, and there’s no end in sight, at least we know we still have our own personal turds to play with, or hoard; maybe name each one and dress them up as pets…..right?

Um, no.  I don’t think so.

It’s an indication that we’re running hell on earth down there, and that if these wretched prisoners weren’t sworn deadly enemies before this, they sure are now.  These guys destined to be honored guests for the long haul.

Paging Mr Whipple……

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6 Responses to Charmin

  1. Dear Sir: In the great name of Allah, I must make an important correction. Muslims such as myself are taught from birth to defecate THROUGH THEIR NOSE.

    This explains why we must wait for the great beyond to get our promised virgins and have some wicked, badass sex.

    As our enemies, the Jews say, “OY.”

  2. This is an old war/spy trick as shown by the 1948 Graham Greene novel and movie “The Turd Man”. Its gets worse…..try to give him a colonoscopy and he puts mucus up his ass. They are soooo fucking unappreciative . Old Islamic trick and it puts into perspective the old saying,’ Bring your own salsa when visiting Peshawar”

  3. Robin says:

    Wholly shit, Batman!

  4. The Aristocrats says:

    If and when these guys ever get out, we have a gig waiting for them. They’d be perfect!

  5. Mister Hankey, the Christmas Poo says:

    I don’t care at all for these disparaging remarks, which stink of racism. I seriously doubt that feces would get the same treatment if we were a lighter shade. As it is, when I show up in my Santa suit everybody’s glad to see me. So screw you, I’m going home.

  6. NicFitKid says:

    It just goes to show, having highly-placed enemies leads to Guantanamo which leads to highly-placed enemas.

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