The Button Down Look

New research released this week may find you spending a few extra minutes in the shower scrubbing your belly button. Researchers from the Belly Button Biodiversity project, led by Jiri Hulcr from North Carolina State University, have revealed their first round of DNA results and reveal the discovery of some 1,400 strains of bacteria living inside volunteer’s belly buttons, and 662 of those are unrecognized strains.  —

That’s right, the belly button biodiversity project.  Somebody got a problem with that?

I wonder if innies are more prone to bacteria than outies — or maybe it’s the other way ‘round.  I also wonder if the swelling numbers of overweight and obese Americans have any impact on bacteria production.

Actually, I don’t wonder about any of these.  About as close as I get is wondering where the funding for this research came from.  My first hunch is that there’s a soap or cosmetics company sniffing around for a market.  My second is the food industry: maybe some of that bacteria tastes good on grilled fish or something equally nauseating.

This is one problem Adam and Eve never had to worry about, right?  Theoretically, because they were never fed through an umbilical cord and hatched, their bellies were as smooth at creation as their butt cheeks.  That was pre-fig leaf, of course.  Is that blasphemy?  Creationists: please advise.

These naval concerns don’t move me to alter my bathing routine or any other behavior.  Guido’s belly button has always been off-limits to me anyway.  Of all the perversions, fetishes, and kink of which I am actually guilty or wish that I were, zero concern belly buttons, clean or dirty.  In other words, I found something I’m innocent of.  Praise the Lard.

Speaking of irrelevant, did you notice how here in south Florida we went from drought to flood season damn near overnight?  No?  Then you’re less environmentally sensitive than the swarming mosquitoes  that have become thick as naval bacteria.

Damn — it infiltrated my vocabulary.

Have a great weekend.

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to The Button Down Look

  1. Massage Therapist says:

    I for one applaud NCSU for their “Belly Button Biodiversity” project. Belly button hygene has long been overlooked. I can’t tell you how many lint-filled navals I’ve seen. People, what do you think Q-tips are for? Swab your naval.

  2. Missing Lincoln says:

    I don’t think it’s nice you calling our swabbies germs.

    Naval bacteria, indeed. Why do you hate America?

  3. Diesel Fitter says:

    Aaaah. Naval maneuvers. Once I stuck a Q-tip in and it broke off. I didn’t find the head for a week. It floated out when I got into a swimming pool. The people with me thought it was the world’s biggest mealy bug.

    • Moose & Squirrel says:

      That’s about as disgusting an image as I can imagine, DF. Thanks for sharing.

      I dated a girl for a while who was totally obsessed with her naval and actually had 2 surgeries to “fix” it. (She had other problems too.) Last I saw she was so fat her belly button faced straight down.

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