A – Hem

Just about 24 hours from now, Guido and I will be pulling into Key West for the first of two visits we try to arrange every summer.  While the two of us have been in parrot head mode for about 8 weeks, when we arranged this, over the last week it’s been especially feathered.

Our visit coincides with Hemingway Days, an annual celebration in KW when white-bearded geezers from all over the world descend on the island to misbehave stupidly in an unflattering imitation if not of Ernest himself, then his legend.  I suspect most of these imposters don’t know Hemingway from a hummingbird, but somewhere along the line they discovered they look like he did toward the end of his life.

So they parade from bar to bar, making jokes and shaking hands, and then there’s a competition to see which of these asshats resembles EH the most this year, and that fellow is crowned The Winner and gets to ride a wooden bull the others propel up Duval Street.

Great fun, I guess, and the tourist industry loves it.  The Hemingway family is not as thrilled.  Having met about half a dozen members myself, including middle son Patrick and his charming daughter, I have it on good authority that this event is not one the whole clan endorses (although some are intimately involved with it).  They would prefer more attention paid to EH’s literature than his liquoring.  But then, this is Key West.

And in truth, I’m not going for the literature, either.  Other than newspapers on the john and maybe a book by the pool, mostly I’ll be reading beer bottle labels, menus, and messages on tee shirts.  The tourist industry is okay with that, too.

Two o’clock.  KW in about 24 hours.  Well, it’s 5:00 somewhere, so I’m going for a beer, and you saw that one coming.

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6 Responses to A – Hem

  1. A. Gay-Fella says:

    Pleeeze don’t get so drunk you don that worn out Speedo with the “you know where” hole.

    I might get all hot and tempted. Yum, yum.

    I’ve been trying to be a good boy at nice Dr. Bachman’s clinic.

    I can change. I promise, but that Speedo!

    Be still my heart.

  2. Fran G'Panni says:

    Squats & Guido: Read your email — we can meet up at Bull Tavern again this weekend if you like. They’ve forgiven us for what happened last year.

  3. NicFitKid says:

    Whichever asshat wins should be awarded a shotgun with two shells and a plane ticket to Idaho. I suspect any further impersonation of Hemingway will stop at that point.

    • Squathole says:

      Always good to hear from you, NFK — and if you’re still up in south Jersey, I sure hope you’re enjoying the 114 degree heat index.

      • Borkon says:

        The heat here on the Jersey side is beyond anything in memory. You burn your hands on car door handles. What is past belief is that overnight it doesn’t go down under 80. It’s too damn hot to drink beer.

  4. NicFitKid says:

    I had to run to the WaWa for some smokes, and I think my shoes started sticking to the asphalt it was so fucking hot. Of course, in the winter I’ll be back to chipping the ice off my windshield. Sometimes I question my sanity in moving up here (okay, all the time actually).

    Also, they raised the toll on the Ben Franklin another dollar, the fuckers.

    Anyways, have fun in Key West, and tell the chickens I said hello.

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