Calgon Take Me Away

Airplane glue.  White out.  Lysol.  Raid (“Raid!”)  Robitusson.  Right Guard.  Contac.  These are things you can huff, huff, and these are ways you can die, die.

(Ferchrissakes, America, what the hell is wrong with alcohol?  It even tastes good!)

Dr. Jeffrey J. Narmi could not believe what he was seeing this spring in the emergency room at Schuylkill Medical Center in Pottsville, Pa.: people arriving so agitated, violent and psychotic that a small army of medical workers was needed to hold them down.

They had taken new stimulant drugs that people are calling “bath salts,” and sometimes even large doses of sedatives failed to quiet them.

“There were some who were admitted overnight for treatment and subsequently admitted to the psych floor upstairs,” Dr. Narmi said. “These people were completely disconnected from reality and in a very bad place.”  — NYTimes

That’s right.  These folks bought bath salts from those wonderful-smelling soap, candle, and incense stores at the local mall, brought them home to snort like truffle pigs, and ended up tied down to loony bin beds, screaming and shitting themselves.

Who knew?

Some of the recent incidents include a man in Indiana who climbed a roadside flagpole and jumped into traffic, a man in Pennsylvania who broke into a monastery and stabbed a priest, and a woman in West Virginia who scratched herself “to pieces” over several days because she thought there was something under her skin….“She looked like she had been dragged through a briar bush for several miles,” said Dr. Owen M. Lander, an emergency room doctor at Ruby Memorial Hospital in Morgantown, W.Va.

Dr. Frank LoVecchio, an emergency room doctor at Banner Good Samaritan Medical Center in Phoenix, said he had to administer general anesthesia in recent weeks to bath salt users so agitated that they did not respond to large doses of sedatives.

Dr. Justin Strittmatter, an emergency room doctor at the Gulf Coast Medical Center in Panama City, Fla., said he had treated one man whose temperature had shot up to 107.5 degrees after snorting bath salts. “You could fry an egg on his forehead,” Dr. Strittmatter said.

Other doctors described dangerously elevated blood pressure and heart rates and people so agitated that their muscles started to break down, releasing chemicals that led to kidney failure.

 “We had two instances in particular where they were acting out in a very violent manner and they were Tasered and it had no effect,” said Chief Joseph H. Murton of the Pottsville police.  “One was only a small female, but it took four officers to hold her down, along with two orderlies. That’s how out of control she was.”

This sounds like great stuff, so I wonder: why are kids wasting their time playing internet video games or watching teevee when they could be out there getting spectacularly  high?   Too: is there any evidence that the just-concluded Congressional session, which featured legions of Republicans in thrall to tea party demands to crash the world economy, was really the result of a bath salt party?

But the good times might be ending, because those goddam anti-business tell-people-what-they-can-and-can’t do liberals in the government are raising a stink:

A bill that would ban the new stimulant drug known as bath salts passed the Senate Judiciary Committee unanimously Thursday. The bill, which was sponsored by Senator Charles E. Schumer, Democrat of New York, would make mephedrone and methylenedioxypyrovalerone illegal to possess or sell. Both would be added to the list of controlled Schedule I substances. Bath salts are typically sold online or in convenience stores or head shops, and doctors report seeing agitated, violent behavior in some users. At least 29 states have banned bath salts, which are sold under names including Ivory Wave and Vanilla Sky and are typically injected, smoked or snorted. The bill will go to the Senate floor.  — NYTimes

Do the Ivory Wave.  ‘Scuse me while I kiss the Vanilla Sky.  Aah to be young again.

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10 Responses to Calgon Take Me Away

  1. julesagray says:

    Marry me, you magnificent bastard.

  2. Joe Balls says:

    Bath salts up the nose. That’s gotta just hurt. Then again, a needle between the toes is no day at the beach either. I hear.

    • Barbara Ganousch says:

      It can be injected or smoked, too, if that’s your preference. I can’t wait for the brownie recipes next.

  3. Labrys says:

    They had a news story on this recently here; but I must be confused. They said it was NOT actual bath salts…but something applied to a similar carrier and simply called “bath salts”…just as other drugs have common names derived from other sources.

    • Squathole says:

      Labrys: Where is “here” and can you post a link to the news story? This NYTimes story makes it clear that the product is OTC bath salts, the gen-you-wine article. Thanks.

  4. MadamI says:

    Well it its on the internet, it’s got to be true!

  5. Anonymous says:

    it’s NOT actual bath salts

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