Brew Hoo Hoo

Stop this in its tracks, do you hear me?  Shut this down!

Ahhh, beer!  While it welcomes all who’d care to bask in its golden glow, beer is still widely perceived to be the beverage of choice for men, be they sweaty, knuckle-dragging cro-magnons, pompous hops-huffing hobbyists or pop-collared frat brothers.

But Molson Coors is aiming at attracting more females to the keg party by launching a new line of brews tailored specifically to women….According to the UK’s Marketing Magazine, Molson Coors’ Animee will be a “less gassy and lighter tasting” alternative to conventional beers.  After two-and-a-half years of researching “women’s relationship with beer,” the American brewery will be releasing Animee – which will come in three versions (standard, rose and citrus) – in the UK later this summer.

What say you, ladies? Would you be more inclined to drink a beer that appealed to your feminine sensibilities? Or is the notion that a beer has to be girlified before a woman will consider it insulting? — bites.today.com

Has anybody noticed that (a) men and women are very different, but (2) what they’re different about is different, too; that they’re different in different ways, so (iii) any generalization about differences between men and women is no more or less precise than the huge number and degree of differences between them, so (IV) basing any Grand Universal and Eternal Truth on such bedrock faith about their clear differences is futile and insulting?

But I’m being dense again because the point of this campaign has nothing to do with Grand Universal and Eternal Truth.  It’s all about marketing.  As in, selling fucking beer.  And launching an idiotic campaign like this is just another commercial, using provocative subject matter instead of long thighs and big tits.  (Which I’d prefer,  Duh.)

So, yeah –there are some women out there who prefer their beer to be as flowery, tasteless, light, and un-beerlike as those cigarettes branded for them like Eve, Benson & Hedges Silver, or Virginia Slims.  These women are better known by the label, “Wine Drinkers.”  Keep them no closer than waist high from me.

For that matter, I know men who actually enjoy beer that tastes likes wheat, blueberry, and fruit punch.  Mostly Belgians and other lesser species, they enjoy beer that tastes like powdered ass, and would be as happy sipping chilled rose and citrus Animee beer as the undicked market the product targets.

The point is larger than so-called “girlified” beer.  It’s that we share this planet with creatures bearing all the same characteristics of human beings save their incapacity to recognize that beer shouldn’t taste like a perfumed armpit, and that these humanoid mutants, appealing to greed and  the lowest common denominator, have wormed their way into the hallowed temples known as breweries.

I don’t give a damn which rest room you prefer.  Keep your lime, orange slices, and rose petals out of my sight, and away from my beer.

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12 Responses to Brew Hoo Hoo

  1. julesagray says:

    Seriously? If you’re concerned about gassy beer, you don’t deserve beer, just stick with water or California Coolers, and limp cocks attached to guys with faux hawks & fake tans. Leave the Guiness to the real women. Sheesh.

  2. Education Talk Radio says:

    It has to do with the marketing, not the beer. Eve, Virginia Slims etc are just cigarettes albeit a little thinner. Beer be beer. If it makes you fart, it makes you fart but in this case, girl farts…which smell like roses and sound like Vivaldi’s “The 4 Seasons”

  3. Mumblety Peg says:

    Men are such pigs.

  4. Kim Chee says:

    This is insult to women, especially those of us who LIKE to drink strong beer, blow belches, and light farts.

    • julesagray says:

      I learned early on that drinking strong beer, blowing belches and farting builds character. So does swearing like a fucking longshoreman.
      It’s fun being a broad.

  5. Diesel Fitter says:

    You folks are such sticks in the mud. I bet you all got outraged when flavored underwear was introduced, too. ‘What’s wrong with sweat and poontang? Why did they have to change things? Who would eat this, anyway?’ Luddites.

  6. krissy says:

    molson has no hops and il tell you women love hops. The truth is they want women drunk but not gassy. Its all about what the men want.

    • Kent Standit says:

      Do women really love hops? All of them (women, not hops)? Men prefer humps.

      But you’re on to something — it isn’t about women, and it isn’t about men, either. It’s about money like the second comment in this thread says. Whoever cooked this up — men or women — did it with the idea there was a market for a product. End of story.

  7. Odtley says:

    this is a real dumb idea and in fact this is a real dumb post there are a lot of things more important in the world today than beer although come to think of it i don’t what they are right now

  8. BruGurl says:

    Screw the fru fru beer. I say give me totally naked beer!

    Poured into pint glass gently, still got a fluffy two finger head to the brim that leaves nice lacing. Beer is translucent clear as a crystal pale yellow with lovely rising bubbles everywhere. Pretty as a picture. Carbonation tingles the tongue lovingly and the body is light, crisp, and fresh. Smells of light bready malt, light lemoney citric hops, light everything, and is exactly what you get in the taste. This beer is an example of the motto “less is more” done correctly. It does not have that weird off-smell that BMC has, rather it gives the impression of clean freshness with every sip. It keeps the basics, um, well… Naked! , and doesn’t mess with the fundamental nature. The hops are just light enough to be used as flavor accents without contributing excessive bitterness to the brew. Can easily be used as a thirst-quencher on a hot summer day. This is the simplest, least complex beer that I have ever liked.

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