We’re Number One


Based on data compiled from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, a recent CNBC report named Fort Lauderdale the most dangerous city for driving in America. — msnbc

I call bullshit.

We drive bad here, no lie.  I have my theories as to why, but we’re nowhere near as bad as  even Miami, let alone Boston or any Garden State city.

The problem in Ft. Lauderdale and Broward County isn’t the usual suspects — old people and drunken kids, although they hardly help —  it’s the dead people.  You’ve seen them.  They died decades ago in  New York, but unwilling to lie down for the dirt nap they deserve, they pack up their attitudes, dust, and prescriptions and move down here where they take to the streets for the first time in 50 years, and start ramming their oversized Mercury and Camry sedans  through supermarkets windows, storefronts, and ATM’s, leaving squashed human remains between their tire treads.

Dead people.  Right?  Mostly women, none under 82 years old, and few over five feet tall.

In places like New York, Philly, Washington, Boston, etc., entire generations have grown up and driven vehicles on highways and neighborhood streets paved before memories began.  They time the lights, know the circles, and recognize the bumps.  There’s a certain shared code established on the basis of history, body language, and tradition that informs drivers.  Even where they’re reckless and aggressive, everybody understands the rules and customs,  and makes adjustments.

That’s absent in south Florida.  Here, everybody learned to drive somewhere else, so the collective consciousness you find in established cities is entirely missing.  Hence, mayhem.  In Florida, drivers can’t glance into one another’s eye and instantly know what each is thinking.  They’re utter strangers to one another, often hostile.   Disaster ensues.

So my point is, they’re a lot worse elsewhere, but they’re more competent, and the overall environment makes it safer.  You’ll never find more aggressive drivers than you’ll see in New Jersey, most of whom don’t even live there, just passing through (that’s pretty much what NJ is —  a place to pass through on your way elsewhere).  But out there on the NJT, GSP, and even the old cement state roads, everybody knows instinctively what everybody else is thinking.  They get by, sometimes at 85 mph.

In Broward County, a 4-way stop sign or a roundabout is an unsolvable conundrum.   And we’re all fucking armed!

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10 Responses to We’re Number One

  1. Education Talk Radio says:

    Sorry pal, but u b wrong. We drive very aggressively here in Boston, but its pretty rare you ever see an accident…very rare.They happen but usually at 2 in the a.m. . In south Florida , its pretty rare to drive and not see one. Lauderdale and Greater Miami is the perfect storm of bad driving: Latino youth, a couple of rednecks, old farts….and their parents, blind bastards like you and worst of all tourists who have no idea where they are going.

    • Hose B says:

      I’m not aware that Latino youth drive any worse than other youth, but I understand this sort of bigotry is commonplace in liberal Boston.

      About tourists here who don’t know where they’re going…that’s true of many of the residents as well who haven’t been here very long. Unlike older more established cities where (as was mentioned) generations of people have lived continuously, south Florida’s population is very transient. Drivers simply don’t know the roads.

      Squats: Not only are there people who learned to drive in other cities, you find people who learned to drive (or didn’t) in other countries where laws and customs are completely different. My father’s family learned to drive in rural Cuba, where at corners without stop signs the rule was, First one to the intersection has the right of way. People sped up aggressively at corners instead of slowing down! Try that here and see what happens….well, actually I see that every day and it ain’t pretty.

  2. Lois Terms says:

    It’s Bush’s fault.

  3. Borkon says:

    Drivers are very aggressive in Jersey, but we know what we’re doing and we know what everybody else is doing not that it’s important because everybody else on the road is an asshole anyway especially if they have PA or NY plates.

  4. Mr Schwinnckle says:

    Crotch Rockets and young idiots that drive them off the side of I-595 ramps. Young kids in Firebirds that push Tootie over the wall on I-595. Dumbasses that screw up 595 with construction because they didnt build it right 20 years ago. Unsafe cars on the roads because Flor-i-dah doesnt have an inspection. We used to inspect for emmissions. That did nothing. Should have checked cars to make sure the headlights, brakes, and brakelights worked. Damn illegals here cant fix it themselves and drive around with no lights on the car and expect us to stop for them and know they are stopping. One that pisses me off the most, 55 mph in the left hand lane. MOVE THE FUCK OVER, better yet, get off I-95 and let us keep up with the flow of traffic at 75 mph and get where we need to go!

    • Ted End says:

      Driving isn’t very hard. But alots of people don’t use their branes. I think what would help is take away licenses from people who kill themselves in crashes.

      • Mr Schwinnckle says:

        branes? You better go get one from one of those dead people without a license. Better yet, get one from one of those illegals without a license, you will be better off. At least they are alive but you might have a craving for latin food after the transplant.

  5. Joe Balls says:

    It’s amazing to watch people texting/talking as they whizz on by at 80, isn’t it? Especially when most of these jokers have enough trouble controlling their cars when they’re NOT distracted by their toys.

  6. ya' gotta' guessit says:

    Jersey drivers are the most skilled motorists on the planet – it’s a capability that comes from YEARS of navigating fucking awful turnpikes, parkways, traffic circles, congested fucking nightmare flooded roads to the fucking shore, rat-trail shortcuts in and out of NYC, 500 year-old bridges to Philly, and every type of pothole known to modern science.

    A Jersey driver wouldn’t wipe his ass with a Florida license.

  7. Hugh Bris says:

    Have you weenies ever driven in Mexico City? Or Rome? You don’t know what reckless aggression is.

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