Placentophagia

Here’s one that somehow escaped the foodie blogs…..

More mothers are turning to a healthy diet after giving birth, including fruit, veggies… and a nice plate of placenta. As in, their own. Before losing your appetite, consider that placentas contain high iron levels, vitamin B-12, and hormones, and while no study proves their effect, believers say they alleviate postpartum depression and aid in breastmilk production. And hey, macaque monkeys eat them. “Even if it is 100% psychological, it has its purpose,” says one maternal advisor.

Problem is that certain hospitals won’t release placentas, considering them biohazardous waste, so some new moms smuggle them out. Jodi Selander, who was refused hers, waged a media war until a Las Vegas hospital loosened its placenta take-home policy, making her “the high priestess of the modern placentophagia movement,” Atossa Araxia Abrahamian writes in New York magazine. And in case you’re wondering: placentas are eaten in smoothies, pill form, or are cooked and dried like beef jerky.  — Newser

Study Questions

  • If mom can’t finish it in one sitting, can she get it in a box to take home?  Or maybe a cup, if it’s in Smoothie format?  What would be a better term for this take-home container than “doggy bag”?  Discuss pricing and container design.
  • What should we make of the “high priestess” who convinced hospital authorities that she should turn biohazardous waste into her bedtime snack?  Folk hero or barnyard goat?  Discuss.
  • Are vegetarians allowed to eat their own placentas?  What about that of other recent moms? What principles are at stake her other than the complete abandonment of common sense?
  • In case of miscarriage or abortion…oh, never mind.  Forget that one.
  • What exactly is the difference between this practice and cannibalism?  Ten minutes and a six inches?  Defend your argument quantitatively
  • You’re an ad exec whose new account packages and sells placenta products.   Describe your marketing plan.  Would you consider “Meat me in St Louie, Louie” as a theme song?  How about, “Got Placenta?”
  • Under Jewish law, can placenta be kosher if mom is only half Jewish?
  • Will the first time you see a McPlacenta sandwich on the menu be the last time you walk into a McDonalds?  Why would it take something extreme as this to keep you from eating poison?  Justify.
  • If this nauseating trend catches on, do you suppose there will be a market for Placentas Lite, Lo-Cal Placenta, 40% Reduced Fat Placenta, etc.?

That did it.  I’m off to vomit.  Class dismissed.

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This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Placentophagia

  1. ya' gotta' guessit says:

    Ha, ha!

    Wrap any leftovers up into a folded foil stork!

  2. julesagray says:

    Aaaaaaaand there goes my appetite. Buh bye now!

  3. Kim Chee says:

    There is also this —
    http://havingapoo.blogspot.com/2007/07/placenta-party.html
    — but I’m not sure how reliable it is. This blog recommends defecation as a weight-loss progream. Pictures VERY gross.

  4. Hugh Bris says:

    This is so sickening I find myself longing for your ignorant political takes.

  5. Otis the Chauffeur says:

    I used to rub placenta on my head back in the early 70’s when it was being touted as a cure for baldness. Lamb placenta. Actually my wife used to do it. Naked. In the bathtub.

    My 22 year old wife
    Naked
    In the bathtub
    Rubbing placenta
    on my black balding head…

    I’ll be right back.

  6. Lois Terms says:

    What this demonstrates — again — is that there isn’t anything on earth that somebody won’t eat.

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