Once a Ponzi Time

By now the entire world has learned that ‘Pub frontrunner Rick Perry is on record as characterizing social Security as a “Ponzi scheme”:

In spite of warnings from his fellow Republicans that calling Social Security a “Ponzi scheme” would be polarizing in the presidential contest, presidential candidate and Texas Gov. Rick Perry on Wednesday stood by his remarks. 

“You cannot keep the status quo in place and call it anything other than a Ponzi scheme,” Perry said at a Republican debate in California.  Acknowledging that several have called his remarks controversial, he added, “Maybe it’s time to have some provocative language in this country.”  Cbsnews.com

Well, I’m no expert but I know who is, so it was worth a few days’ frustration and listening to hold button music, but I finally get Bernie Madoff on the line.

“My god, what a moron,” are his first words.

Who, me?  Have you been talking to my wife?

“Not you,” says Madoff.  “Well, maybe you.  Did you give me any money?   Anyway, I mean Perry.  If that redneck truly believes social security is a Ponzi scheme, it means he’s too dumb to recognize one, let alone run one.  And if he’s THAT dim a bulb, there’s no way you want him running the country.”

So you’re saying he’s too dumb to be president because he doesn’t know how to steal?

“No, I’m sure he can steal.  He’s a politician, right?  I’m also sure he can smirk, lie, and kiss babies — that’s part of the job.  But running a Ponzi  scheme takes special skills, and clearly he hasn’t got ‘em because he doesn’t know what one is.”

It seems like an odd skill to be required of anybody running for high office.

“Maybe you are a moron after all.  Listen — running a Ponzi scheme is running a business.  You got sales, customers, investments, payroll, overhead, and taxes.  It’s really tricky, too, because it’s illegal, so anybody like myself that can do it as successfully for as long as I did is a top-notch businessman.

“Rick Perry is one of these nitwits yapping about how ‘government should be run like a business.’  That’s just stupid.  Government isn’t a business, so why should it be run like one?  But a Ponzi scheme is a business, and as I just laid out, a tough one.  So what he’s saying, whether he knows it or not,  is ‘Government should be run like a Ponzi scheme.’

“But instead, he says social security is a Ponzi scheme — which it isn’t — and wants to change it.  If he had any brains under the hairdo and spine in his suit, he’d say, ‘I want ALL of government to run like a Ponzi scheme.’  Fat chance.”

Trumpeting criminal businesses as the model for government doesn’t sound like a good career move.

“Whatever.  Look, the most efficient businesses in the world are the criminal ones.  Take the mob.  No benefits or pensions or unions to deal with, low taxes, huge return on investment.  No board of directors to ass-lick, no spin doctors or advertising.  You hire a shyster and bribe the cops.  If government were that simple and direct we’d all save a lot of tax money.  We could put a lot more into education and the arts.  I love the arts.”

Jumpin’ Johnny Keynes, what are you saying?  You’re a liberal?  You’re running for office?

“Nah.  I’m a career criminal who lied his ass off for 20 years, destroyed the lives of millions, creating misery all over the world, and even drove people to suicide.  Including my own son.  Politics is ‘way too dirty for me.”

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Once a Ponzi Time

  1. julesagray says:

    Why would any of these Repubs, who apparently loathe government so much, want the job of running it?

  2. Red White & Blue says:

    Why do you hate America?

  3. Piles says:

    Yeh sure he’s an idjit but dammit he’s a Christian idjit and if that’s good enough for Texas, it’s good enough for me.

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