Breathe Deep the Gathering Gloom

[Dythe] Maa, a dominatrix-turned-fetish model who uses the name Jade Vixen, also knows the pain that death brings.

Three years ago, her boyfriend – a Manhattan-based attorney with an S&M fetish – was shot to death in North Philly by one of her obsessed fans, who then kidnapped her and killed himself.

Maa, a one-time Ph.D. candidate at the University of Pennsylvania, reportedly gave up being a professional dominatrix after that trauma, but trouble managed to find another man close to her anyway….Her most recent boyfriend, 49-year-old avionics engineer Peter Stelzenmuller, died last month while wearing a scuba suit in the attic of the Drexel Hill home they shared in what police are preliminarily labeling an autoerotic death.

And, just 12 days after Stelzenmuller’s death, Maa posted on her Google+ social-networking page that she was “packing my sexy outfits for Montreal Fetish Weekend.” — philly.com

Well, hell.  This is what’s wrong with America.  A guy clad in a scuba suit asphyxiates in a sweltering attic during the summer and people want to blame his dominatrix girlfriend.  I mean, where’s the probable cause?  What is it with suspicious little minds, anyway?  It’s not like she’s got a spotty record of strange sexual incidents, y’know?

To find out what really happened, I’d recommend “enhanced interrogation,” but she’d probably (a) enjoy it, and (b) end up offering expert counsel into techniques and strategies to her captors.  Either way, I’d watch the video.

Besides, we know what went on here.  Consenting adults got carried away, and the game went awry.  End of story.  He should have known better, but like too many men, he was thinking exclusively with his dick, and like too many women, she was happy enough to engage, and smart enough to prepare a cover story.

If your interest is piqued, be advised that on her web site http://jadevixen.com/ Mistress Maa offers a seminar entitled “Stocks, Bonds, and Fishnets,” which offers safety tips (no pun intended), a recommended price structure,  and a free attorney-referral service.  Have a good time.

PS  Bonus points to the first commenter who identifies the reference in the title of this post.

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13 Responses to Breathe Deep the Gathering Gloom

  1. ya' gotta' guessit says:

    Finally – this story is in your wheelhouse, Squatty!

    Read the related articles, though…the Jade Vixen has been leaving a trail of corpses behind her, including a guy who was so beguiled, that he shot & killed her then-current beau, and kidnapped the JV.

    Using only her powers to mesmerize, the Vixen not only convinced the poor bastard to let her go, but to drop her off at her house, AND THEN KILL HIMSELF!

    I’m praying like hell for Lucy Liu in the movie version.

  2. SCUBA.. Self Controlled Unique Beating-off Apparatus…. dammit , it comes with an instruction book and it says quite clearly , DOES NOT WORK IN DREXEL HILL, PA.

    Wonder what else is in the attic? and for Jade, “Go Quakers.”

  3. Lois Terms says:

    People are their own worst enemies.

  4. Ruh Roh says:

    Just another chickie from your City of Bodily Harm. It sounds like she fits rights in — U of Penn no less.. Those people up there are savages. Worse than New Yorkers and they talk funnier. Fatter, too.

  5. Joe Balls says:

    I can’t imagine. But I’m trying to.

  6. mkhall says:

    “watch lights fade from every room.” I was certain that by now someone would have picked up on your reference to Nights in White Satin. Your usual suspects must still be looking at the mental images conjured by this story.

    Also, I would have bet that Dythe Maa was her stage name, not the name on her occupational license. (Does PA give out licenses to Dom/mes, Squatty?)

    • mkhall says:

      Ah, her name’s actually “Edythe Maa.” That’s much more common.

    • Squathole says:

      Bingo, Kevin — you’ve won a free session with Ms Vixen herself! Collect your voucher after midnight in her attic. No need to dress up — she has your outfit all picked out for you.

      One of the most entertaining things one could do with Moody Blues’ lyrics was recite them in a Bullwinkle voice. Of course, maybe the drugs enhanced those sessions.

      • mkhall says:

        Oh, Bullwinkle, that sounds like fun! I do readings like that either as Shatner or Peter Lorre, but those tend to give people nightmares.

        Then again, I managed to read the lyrics of “Thick as a Brick” for a dramatic performance class with a straight face, so my taste is already questionable.

  7. julesagray says:

    I’ve found my new career…Thanks hon!

  8. MadamI says:

    My thought is she didn’t hear the “special stop word”. Had nothing to do with the gag regulator…

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