Hack World

To paraphrase a tired old cliché:  Everybody complains about the traffic but nobody does anything about it.

Except, perhaps, groan a most dismal groan when yet another griper airs his latest run-in with (pick one): an invisible decrepit senior citizen driving 40 mph in the left lane; a maniac kid covered in ink and blasting his sounds doing 240 mph in front of a school playground; the chode who speeds up to cut you off as soon as you activate your turn signal to indicate a lane change; the bimbos painting their faces and plucking their eyebrows in the rear view mirror while speeding to work; everybody on a cell phone; and of course, the garden variety asshole, etc.

Today, heading west on 836, I encounterd one to remind me why keeping your loaded gun in your lap when you drive is a bad idea, particularly if you’re prone to flashes of temper and rash acts.  And driving in Miami, who isn’t?

It’s 3 or 4 lanes across and they’re all pretty full, but moving okay.  The cockbite in the Yellow Cab — just the driver, no passenger — is tooling along at maybe 50 in the far left lane, lagging behind a good sized truck in the next lane over.  The only way to get in front of the cab, which shouldn’t be bottling up traffic like he is but fucking cab drivers are the worst of the worst of the fucking worst everywhere you go, is to get dangerously close to the truck’s ass, the swoop left and cut out the f-word cab.

Which the frustrated driver just in front of me finally does.  What does the cab do?

  1. Realizes he needs to speed up, so accelerates to keep pace with the driver who just pulled the high risk move, then moves over a lane when he can
  2. Realizes he’s driving too slowly, so signals right and moves over a lane or two
  3. Nothing.  Stays the course and keeps the lane barricaded
  4. Accelerates up the ass of the car that cut in and flashes his lights at the driver

You guessed 4, right?  Easy.   You drive here.

And you’re thinking, Bee Eff Dee it coulda been a lot worse, and you’re right.  It’s not his cab, so he might have rammed the car in front of him, or tailgated his ass at high speeds for a while with his paw on the horn.  At least there was no contact, impromptu drag racing, or fireplay.  Look, things can always be worse.  That’s not my point.

What has me wondering is, Does that hack have even a fraction of a clue what an asswipe he is?  Is he vaguely aware that he’s bottling up the lane?  Does he know all about it and just not give a shit?  Has he figured out why the other driver pulled that maneuver, and that it wasn’t to spite him but to resolve the pain-in-the-ass dilemma the cab himself created?  What, if anything, went through his mind?

I’m inclined to think he just doesn’t give a shit — he owns the road, does what he damn pleases, and since he’s the only one who knows how to drive he doesn’t mind teaching other drivers the occasional lesson.

Nothing I can do about it — see cliché, above — except refuse to take cabs.  Which is my policy.  The industry seem to be surviving, though.

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3 Responses to Hack World

  1. Chicken's Ass Face says:

    You should keep your distance from cabs, Squatty – they are very poorly-maintained vehicles, driven by moral nihilists who are beyond caring.

    Stop playing with fire.

  2. Hugh Bris says:

    I drove a cab fror a few summers when I was in college. It’s the worst job I ever had and I once worked as an exterminator. Roaches and rats were more pleasant to deal with than traffic and passengers. Pretty early on in the game you don’t care about anybody else on the road and actually look forward to provoking other drivers as it’s the only thrill you get all day. What you described is exactly the sort of thing I did all the time.

    I quit doing it when I saw it was making me crazy. Also, one summer one cabbie had his whole face slashed by some crazy passenger, and another one was shot dead for about $6.32. It wasn’t all fun and games out there.

  3. Lois Terms says:

    The only solution is not to drive at all, especially in Miami,

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