Disarming Americans One Citizen at a Time

It’s always fun to read news from my hometown, the City of Bodily Harm:

A 34-year-old Philadelphia man is undergoing a psychiatric evaluation after deliberately cutting off his arm with an electric saw, officials say…… Police said the hand also was cut off from the severed limb, but it was not clear if it was removed before or after the arm had been sawed off.

The man, who has a history of mental illness, also apparently tried to discard the body parts, police said.  His current condition is not known, but police said he would undergo a psychiatric evaluation. — philly.com

I can just imagine police responding to the inevitable question on radio, “Is the man armed?”

I also wonder if loony bins keep modified handicap-accessible straitjackets around for this kind of eventuality.

In case you’re wondering, the name for this sort of self-mutilation is Apotemnophilia.  It’s a sub-species of “Body Integrity Identity Disorder.”  That’s right — your neighborhood shrink has a name for everything, and for damn good reason: if they can’t slap the name of a recognized mental disorder on it, it’s a whole lot harder to get paid by the insurance company, which prefers to pay for treatment of injury and illness, not behavior or depravity.  (This also suggests there’s a regimen of very expensive pharmaceuticals out there as well.)

And speaking of depravity, there’s Acrotomophilia, which describes the condition of individuals who are sexually aroused by and attracted to amputees.  Sensitive souls know them as “Stump-Humpers.”   I bet you know plenty of people like this, right?  If not, you’ll find whole communities of amp-aficionados in Yahoo and Google groups, but do your own damned homework on this one.  Warning: Some members type very slowly.

Well that’s enough sickness and cruelty for one post, ya think?  I’m outta here.  CUT!

Oh, sorry.

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Disarming Americans One Citizen at a Time

  1. I guess you can’t call him a “Hand-Y-Man” anymore.

    Perhaps those suffering from acrotomophilia should hook up with coprophiliacs, who get off sexually from human poop.

    I tried it once but it wasn’t fun. She was constipated all of the time. Just another shitty-less bitch.

    I’m back to Golden Showers.

    • Linguist, you are a disgusting human being.

      Why do you always mock the mentally ill?

      As a psychiatrist I’ve treated hundreds of patients with both disorders. It’s my specialty. As a young man I succumbed to all three of these hideous desires. Now that I’m cured I try my best to treat the afflicted.

      It’s more prevalent than you think and one of the side effects of our poor economy. I’m willing to bet even some of your neighbors act out their frustrations in this manner

      A recent CDC study shows 35% of them were born into poverty, abused by their parents and also turned to alcohol. Another 17% also became drug and alcohol abusers. Sadly 5% eventually commit suicide.

      The same study shows that 9.7% later turned to even more bizarre
      behavior such as necrophilia and zoophilia also known as bestiality.

      I’ve petitioned he Obama administration and Congress to allocate $850,000,000 for further study of this sad scourge, but so far my pleas have been ignored.

      Please rethink you vile remarks and try to find compassion.

      Dr. Bentley

    • Camiel Toe says:

      Maybe she just didn’t love you, CL. I can’t imagine why.

      Have you ever heard “Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker?” In her case you might think, “prunes for .spoons.”


  2. Piles says:

    Thanks lots for “Stump-Humpers.” I spit coffee all over the keyboard.

  3. * Rim Shot * says:

    “Warning: Some members type very slowly.”


  4. I get soooo hot over women with tetra-amelia syndrome who are born with no arms and legs.

    No matter how hard they try, they CAN’T GET AWAY.

    Yum, yum

    Sloppy seconds anyone? You know you just wanna do it.

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