Puppy Love

Or sick puppy.

Here’s what you can expect when you name your son Kimberly.

“My dog is like my child, I don’t, I know people say he is just a dog, but they just don’t understand how I feel. I feel bad…”

Saturday morning police arrested 40-year-old Kimberly Lawson for allegedly having sex with a dog, a German Shepherd named Adam….Neighbors say they called police after they saw Lawson pull down his pants get on his knees and allow the dog to “mount him.”

Witnesses who saw the act told police the dog mounted the suspect on at least three total occasions within an hour’s time.  — MyFox Memphis

First.  I’m impressed by this dog.  Three times in an hour?  I couldn’t pull that off when I was 18, although god knows I tried.  Daily.  Sometimes with a partner.

Second.  “My dog is like my child” so you let it mount and hump you?  This says “like my child”  to you?  There are priests behind bars with more scruples (if not stamina) than that, chief.

As a reward for his performance, did Lawson give Adam a dog boner?

It’s a real switcheroo on the usual man bites dog story.  The standard MO is for the perv to hump the animal/child/vegetable/knothole, not the other way ‘round.  I’m thinking this will have legal implications — if you’re on the bottom, how is this considered rape?  How can you make a case that the animal was an unwilling victim?

Anyway. Lawson is behind bars, and the dog is in a shelter.  Presumably  the dog will be neutered before it’s put up for adoption, which is a shame — he’d probably have a great career as a prison counselor, clergyman, or YMCA sports coach.  Evidently he’s upset at these developments, too: reached for comment about Lawson, he told interviewers, “He never writes. He never calls…..”

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This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Puppy Love

  1. This is a very Christian act. It’s a little known fact that Jesus coined the phrase “Dogs are man’s best friend.”

    Where do you the term “Doggie Style,” came from?

    God bless you. If you are dyslexic Dog will bless you.

  2. Dawgbowl says:

    Reading about this kind of canine training is truly inspirational.

  3. Ruh Roh says:

    Dog lovers give me the creeps.

  4. Hugh Bris says:

    It’s considered “passive rape.” In the dating scene it used to be called “buyer’s remorse, describing a mistake a woman discovers only after she takes him home and finds out what a loser he is. I pretty sure feminists invented the concept.

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