‘Dile 911

In case you missed it, a recreational fisherman hauled a 2 foot alligator out of a pond on Gloucester County.  This was the second gator discovered running free in south Jersey over the last six months.

[Video report]

Authorities are leaning toward the theory that locals, suffering a case of buyer’s remorse, released their bad idea pets into a stream.  Heh heh heh.  That’s what we want them to think, y’know?

For decades now, here in south Florida we’re put up with all sorts of native Jersey species invading our environment, fouling our air, water, restaurants, beaches, highways, and doctors’ offices.  They’re nasty, ugly, loud, and carry diseases.  Direct contact causes  severe irritation.

In Hollywood, where I live, not only do Jerseys refuse to speak French or Spanish, they won’t speak English, either.  In fact, nobody knows what the fuck they’re saying.  Seems it’s some kind of dialect known as “Snooki.”

So the master plan about which I officially know nothing and won’t breathe a word (unless waterboarded by naked female interrogators) to send deadly alligators to infiltrate NJ waterways has finally been launched.  Operation Chomp is official.  They’re out of their element, hostile, hungry, and they can’t drive.  How does it feel, Jersey?

Suitable revenge for inflicting the music of Bruce Springsteen on the world.  Heh heh heh.

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to ‘Dile 911

  1. Borkon says:

    It won’t work. There are more of us than there are alligators, and we’re a whole lot meaner if not necessarily smarter or better looking. Besides, nobody in their right mind would try to make a pair of shoes or a handbag out of Jersey skin, even if they could find enough without tattoos.

    Just sayin, yo.

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