Station WTF reports the self-proclaimed horse-arounder-with-naked-boys-in-locker-room-showers (as opposed to alleged child molester) will take the time-honored position of Santa Claus, dressed in white beard, red suit, and rubber underwear as children squirm up on his lap and expose their Christmas wishes.
“We’re very excited by attracting a high profile and respected community leader to our community,” a spokesman for the Split Wet Beaver mall told the station. “We think ‘Sandusky Claus’ will provide us with a spurt in shoppers and commerce.”
Reached for comment, nobody associated with Penn State’s athletic department or board of trustees claimed to know anything about the development. Ditto the campus, metropolitan, or state police. Or the Governor’s office. Business as usual in Pennsyltucky, where college football is apparently the only thing those backasswards hinds give a shit about.
PS This is Post #1,000 on Obalesque.