In an ever-expanding race to the bottom in the world of sports, we’ve bumped up against something more nauseating than competitive eating:
World champion masturbator Masanobu Sato isn’t shy….He’s pleasured himself in front of crowds at San Francisco’s annual Masturbate-a-thon, and has even talked to the press about his handy, award-winning techniques.
The Masturbate-a-thon is an annual affair sponsored by the Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco, where events are held in a place appropriately titled the “masturbatorium.”
If a man is taking part in a competition, he must stay aroused without ejaculating for as long as possible, a 2010 article in the San Francisco Weekly explains. — Huffington Post
Wow, talk about endurance. (I refer, of course, the audience.)
Do the contestants shake hands afterwards?
What are the rules about juicing, medication, and foreign substances?
It’s hard (!) to envision these athletes getting their pictures on Wheaties boxes any time soon. Nor do I see an abundance of prospective sponsorship opportunities. “Hi, I’m Masanobu Sato, 2011 World Masturbation Champion. I drive a Toyota. Manual transmission, naturally. Ha ha ha!” I dunno. Maybe K-Y Jelly?
Look how this illustrates the fundamental distinction between genders. Were this a competition among women, the objective would be the number of climaxes achieved, not the length of time of postponement. I’d find that marginally more entertaining.
Even though it makes Jersey Shore look intellectual and classy by comparison, I don’t doubt there’s a market for this. But include me out. Maybe I’m just inhibited or snobby, but I just can’t embrace this sport, not even a little. If I want to see people abusing themselves I’ll go work for the government.
Maybe the whole thing is satire, and this is somebody sneering at sports and athletes in general. A metaphor for the zillions of dollars and fanatical media coverage devoted to meaningless activities conducted by the self-indulgent, self-abusing, and just plain selfish. Does that make more sense?
Wad the hell.