Or Are You Just Glad to See Me?

The South Carolina Republican primary in full swing!  Here’s the scene in the Palmetto State:

The candidates talk themselves hoarse as each tries to make himself a bigger ass than the next guy, while their spin doctors explain afterwards what each one really meant.  Slick campaign managers, oozing sincerity from every pore, brazenly lie about the coordination between the big PAC money they use to attack one another with seriously vicious lies, out-of-context quotes, and sheer manufactured bull hockey.  Meanwhile, the media picks sides and slimes the unlucky loser like Tom Sawyer’s friends whitewashing his fence, over and over and over……

As a result, there have been a lot of dicks in the news lately.  Plus this one:
A 21-year-old unidentified man received a tattoo on his penis and the process left him with a permanent erection, according to the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

….the tattoo artist used a handheld needle, which lends itself to little control if any, and now doctors are saying that the man has a non-ischemic priapism, a condition where blood flowing out of the penis is not sufficient enough to shrink the erection.  Apparently, the tattooing procedure punctured holes into his penis that went deeper than they should have and vessels were damaged in the shaft.  — NewsOne
Evidently  the needle man got too enthusiastic — he should have made a little prick.  Sometimes called a Newt.  (Just wait until Madame Gingrich 2nd starts talking.)

Now guys, before you stampede over to the ink parlor, read the entire article.  Even though Mr. PermaWood insists he’s okay with it, nobody in the medical field has recommended this procedure.  

I have to believe that walking around with a permanent woody has disadvantages, not the least of which concerns the flow of urine.  Meet Chief Doublestream, scourge of the restrtoom.  Then there’s the inevitable discomfort from wearing form-fitting pants, sitting in one place for any length of time, and the ever-present danger of slamming your meat into a door jam or dining room chair.  He’ll be entering rooms sideways for the rest of his life — and imagine squeezing into an airplane seat.

On the plus side, he’ll never roll out of bed.

But all things considered, the dick that is the star of this story is a far more engaging character than any of those clamoring for votes in South Carolina this week.  What say all have their shafts tattooed and spend the rest of the week planking somewhere.  That would lower both their profiles and the volume of the chatter.  Win win (wee wee).

Dammit, I never worked out the John Boner reference.  Next time.
This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Or Are You Just Glad to See Me?

  1. A Decent Christian says:

    Jesus died with a full, pointing to the sky boner. With his hands nailed to the cross it was the only way he could send thanks to the big guy.

    Gives new meaning to “Cum to Jesus.

  2. Dawgbowl says:

    One less dick to wave at the cameras: Rick Perry has dropped out and offered his endorsement to Newt-man. Good news for the nation, bad news for Texas as he limps home. They deserve him.

  3. Diesel Fitter says:

    This reminds me of a whole bunch of bad jokes, the first punch line to pop (!) into my mind is “Welcome to Jamaica Have a Nice Day.”

  4. * Rim Shot * says:

    “Stroke it and it becomes a valise.”

    OK off topic but I always liked that one.

  5. Chief Doublestream says:

    You get used to it. To be safe, sit down first. Carefully.

  6. julesagray says:

    Hey Choad “Administrator” (who knows if you really are an administrator?): How do you even know if “Mumbles” is a gal? Could be a dude.
    Plus, you’re reaching for the laughs and it ain’t workin’.


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