Dental Retardation

Michael Clair, a 53-year-old former dentist in Massachusetts, pleaded guilty Friday to a slew of charges including accusations that he used paper clips instead of stainless steel during dental procedures…..instead of the stainless steel posts that are normally used in root canal operations, Clair used sections of paper clips — which can put patients at risk of infection and tremendous pain — in an effort to save money.

[H]is other charges include assault and battery, larceny, tampering with evidence, and illegally prescribing prescription medication— Hydrocodone, Combunox, and Percocet — to other staff members.

Clair….was suspended by Medicaid in 2002, but continued to file claims – $130,000 worth – through June 2005 by using the names of other dentists in his practice, according to prosecutors.

Dentists are scary enough when they’re not trying to inflict damage.  They’re people who lost their first choice of careers when the Inquisition ended.  Their tools and techniques would fit comfortably into any Lord High Executioner’s playbook and training room. Hopefully, this guy is the only one who bought his medical supplies at Staples.

What is it about professionals — often highly educated, professionally trained, credentialed and certified — that so many lose their focus and embrace the dark side, stumbling downward on slimy stiles into a hell of their own construction?  The physicians caught in the pain clinic scam.  The Medicaid/Medicare scammers. Investment counselors turned Ponzi schemers.  Psychologists of any stripe and kidney, who are the equivalent of gypsy fortune tellers.

When it comes to doctors and dentists, it seems like Florida has more than its share.  I’m not even including the guys in Miami who practice out of the trunks of their cars.  But it runs the gamut.  Drywall patched with toothpaste.  Baking soda to stop radiator leaks.  Windex for skin cancer lesions.  Fix-A-Flat injected in buttockses (or whatever the plural is).

The last word belongs to one of my literary and spiritual muses, Ambrose Bierce, author of The Devils’ Dictionary, who defined Dentist as “ A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.”

Note “metal.”  As in, paper clips?  Bierce would have simply shaken his head.

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Dental Retardation

  1. julesagray says:

    You anti-Dentite bastid.

  2. Ya' Gotta' Guessit says:

    You’re a RAVING anti-dentite !!!

  3. The MassPube says:

    This was a big story in Massachusetts two years ago as the dentist was from Fall River , I believe. Fact is the guy got greedy and he made so much money off medicaid, that he now uses dental implant posts to clip his papers together. The thing that always amazes me is that dentists always say that oral health affects your whole body and is as important……so why don’t they accept Medicare. Gee, I wonder why!!! Elderly people blow their life saving son unregulated overpriced dental care; totally unregulated, like Wall Street.

  4. Frank of Oregon says:

    I had the same dentist for 18 years growing up in Portsmouth (no, “Portsmouth” is not a oral disease and we’ve all heard that before). I went through about 18 dentists in one year when I moved to Florida. I’ve never seen such a bunch of morons and thieves in one specialty. They would diagnose all sorts of stupid shit I didn’t have, or want to replace and re-do work I’d already taken care of. I got the same tale of woe from everybody I talked to. I might as well have used some charlatan working out of his car — would be no worse and a lot cheaper.

  5. Darth Vader says:

    Welcome to the empire, Michael Clair. The dark side is all powerful (& profitable). May the Force be with you.

  6. E.O. Hippus says:

    This is a perfect example of where you liberals get it all wrong. This professional is simply reacting to the overabundance of job-killing, anti-business regulations that have cropped up as a result of your government-loving socialist policies, so he applied his market-based ingenuity and creativity to make it work better for him. For this, he gets punished. No wonder talented, industrious people are leaving the professions in droves.

  7. odtley says:

    teeth are overrated anyway if you stay with a liquid diet you dont need them and besides whats there to smile about

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