Grandma What Big Eyes You Have

If I had this product yesterday, you would have seen this post already:

Move over, coffee and Red Bull. A Harvard professor thinks the next big thing will be people inhaling their caffeine from a lipstick-sized tube. Critics say the novel product is not without its risks.

The product, called AeroShot, went on the market late last month in Massachusetts and New York, and is also available in France. A single unit costs $2.99 at convenience, mom-and-pop, liquor and online stores. —

A spokesman for Breathable Foods, the manufacturer, emphasized that the product is not meant to replace “your morning coffee,” but addresses the caffeine craving of people with active lifestyles.  It’s a jolt before a bike ride or a work-out, or circumstances when coffee would be unavailable — on a long car ride, in a library, etc.  

Funny, though, how nobody mentions how useful it would be to keep you awake while you swallow one alcoholic beverage after another partying your way through an all-nighter (and half the next day-er). 

Product packaging warns consumers to limit their intake to three Aero-shots daily.  That’s laughable.  Once this stuff hits the stores you’re going to see kids having contests and playing the equivalent of drinking games.  Imagine a teacher trying to control a classroom filled with squirming hyperactive kids in dark glasses, some of whom with weapons.  

What’s next — Aero-Ritalin? Aero-Thorazine?  How about Aero-Heroin — reduces the risk of HIV infection by eliminating the needles!  

A spokesman for Starbucks dismissed any speculation that Aero-Shot presented a marketing threat.  “People will still want their coffee, as well as the experience and the ambiance provided at Starbucks,” he declared.  “Besides, we’re already meeting with the manufacturers to brand our own product to be sold exclusively at Starbucks outlets.”

Figures.  I can see it now: “Buck-o-Shot.”  Green mermaid with a tube in her face.  This is getting ugly.  Out.
This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Grandma What Big Eyes You Have

  1. odtley says:

    caffeine in any form is a terrific way to get through the day especially when meth or prescription highs get too expensive which are even more than starbux but i like this idea of a quick hit and not waste time sipping some steaming hot bitter drink i need to put 6 packages of sugar in even though i like the sugar as much as the caffeine

  2. Stan Garde says:

    “Imagine a teacher trying to control a classroom filled with squirming hyperactive kids in dark glasses, some of whom with weapons.”

    Are you worried about armed or armed teachers? Or both? Because I picture not kids, but teachers using this product rather liberally, and going off the deep end as their nerves fray and their energy rises.

  3. Hugh Bris says:

    I’m going to patent an anal applicator for this product. I’ll call it The Santorum.

    Hey — whatever happened to Missing Lincoln?

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