Bad Jeans

There are moments when I wonder how human being even survived without the kinds of technological improvements we take for granted today.  This is one of them:

Last week, Montreal-based Naked & Famous Denim released its latest fashion: scented jeans. For men. When scratched, the pants emit the aroma of raspberries. How does it work? Microcapsules filled with perfume are baked right into the denim, according to the company’s website. When you scratch the pants, the perfume is released, leaving behind a fruity trail. Apparently the raspberry scent can endure at least five washes, though according to their designer, Brandon Svarc, that’s a non-issue.

“Many of our male customers don’t wash their jeans very often anyways,” Svarc told “In fact, some ‘denimheads’ don’t ever wash their jeans at all.”  —

Study Questions:

1.  In laymen’s terms, what do jeans smell like now, and why is this an improvement?  Does their odor change depending o where they’re scratched, and who scratches them?  Use a diagram to illustrate your argument.

2.  What other scents besides raspberries would you suggest should be made available?  Discuss the merits of the following: fresh fish, baby powder, Old Spice, K-Y Jelly, WD40, and Lipschutz’s Scab-On-The-Prick Soothing Balm.  Does the scent you prefer depend on the company you keep, or would like to attract?

3.  Which of the following best describes the odor of “unscented jeans?”  
        a)  Crotch rot 
        b)  Wet farts and/or stale shit
        c)  Clorox bleach
        d)  Madonna’s armpits
        e)   Aged Vermont cheddar
Explain your experience and preferences.

4.  What do you anticipate is in store for the scent of women’s jeans?  What would you like?  If a flavor or food product, describe that sensation when applied to denim, and detail your experience.

5.  Would you like to see the same technology applied to bicycle seats?  Why or why not?  Would it impact your decision to use bicycle transportation more or less often and save the earth?

6.  Extra credit:  Who sang:

        Do you have some jeans that you really love
        Ones that you feel so groovy in
        You don’t even mind of they start to fade
        That only makes them nicer still.

Turn in your papers at the end of the class — we’ll burn them for fuel.
Happy Valentine’s Day!

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Bad Jeans

  1. Northeast Fever says:

    I once had a pair of jeans that smelled like chocolatecherrylemongrapeorangeblueberrybananaandrainbow.

    Xtra Credit is that Donovan Leitch.

  2. Ronnie Paul says:

    I’d suggest “Capitol Bathroom.”

    One sniff and you immediately go into debt

  3. odtley says:

    i had a pair of bluejeans once that i wore for about 4 years and never washed them in fact i only removed them when i was forced to but oddly enough they really didnt smell so bad at all sort of like the place i was confined to at the time which was a stale environment with coffee cigs rubbing alcohol pinesol sort of stench you know i still have those jeans today because i set them on fire to protest my treatment or something and when they had to cut them off me still burning some of the fibers sort of melted into my legs and butt where you can still see them in certain light like a full moon

    • Kent Standit says:

      Great story, Odtley, really. I read it several times now. You should start your own blog with stuff like this.

      But looking back, are you aware that setting your pants on fire is what the head shrinking industry might call counterproductive behavior? They even have a name for it: it’s called Liar Liar Syndrome.

      Now what I really want to know is, do you look at your own ass under the light of a full moon on a regular basis? If so, I think I’m beginning to get a grip on why you were locked up (in your blue jeans) for a few years.

    • Ruh Roh says:

      4 years without changing, let alone washing, your pants. What was the plan — Occupy Blue Jeans?

  4. Camiel Toe says:

    Please don’t leave that photo up all day.

  5. Joe Balls says:

    Really bad post for Valentine’s Day, dude. Once again I feel bad for Guido.

  6. * Rim Shot * says:

    On Sunday you ignored Abe Lincoln’s birthday, and today you ignore VD. So I’m going to help with an Abe Lincoln joke.

    Q: How do we know Abe Lincoln was Jewish?
    A: He was shot in the temple.

    I thought of that all by myself.

  7. Labrys says:

    I think I might prefer Madonna’s armpits to raspberry…but hey, I’m funny that way.

    • Fran G'Panni says:

      Funny girl — I would not be surprised to learn that her armpits are raspberry to begin with, which inspired this scratch-and-sniff jeans product. And if not her grotesque armpits, then maybe her little taint, with a touch of garlic and halibut.

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