Praise The Lord and Sue the Board

Your Florida Legislature has approved the “Encourage Litigation Against County School Boards Act of 2012,” and sent it off to Gov. Dickwithears (who of course has indicated willingness to sign it).

 A bill allowing school boards to permit student-initiated prayer and other “inspirational messages” at public school assemblies went to Gov. Rick Scott on Thursday after heated debate in the Florida House.

Supporters argued that returning organized prayer would help cure some the ills that have been plaguing public schools since it was banned by the U.S. Supreme Court. Opponents said the bill would violate the constitutional principle of church-state separation.

“Before inspirational messages were removed from our schools the number one problem was talking out of turn,” said Rep. Charles Van Zant. “Today it is drug abuse. Before, the number two problem was chewing gum. Now it is alcohol abuse.” — Miami Hurled

I fear Rep. Van Zant truly  did say that, as dimwitted as it sounds…..he probably got it from that old hoax about a survey which concluded that 50 years ago the biggest problems in schools were passing notes, chewing gum, etc. That one circulated even before the interwebs exposed it.  What a dweeb.  These are our visionary leaders. 

Meanwhile, the ACLU of Florida is firing up its fundraising machinery: this law is gold.  Gold!

My prayer, such as it is, would be that every Satanist, Wiccan, Pagan, Vegan, Scientologist, Santarian, Pantheist, Talibanian, and Vivisectionist line up to deliver inspirational messages alongside the traditional bible-harpies for (and by) whom this clearly unconstitutional measure was designed.

This might inspire a companion bill, created in the same spirit as the original, that would permit students to bring stones to school that they can hurl at speakers whose message they disapprove of, and feel religiously obligated to silence them in appropriate biblical fashion.  They could call this a character development measure.  Good for budding pitchers, too!

Finally, may I point out once more how so-called conservatives who cry out for less government intrusion and more personal freedom and responsibility reveal themselves as total hypocrites at every opportunity, and that this legislation is yet another fine example?

Oh, there’s the phone.  The ACLU has a recorded message for me.  Gotta go.

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12 Responses to Praise The Lord and Sue the Board

  1. Mister E says:

    Don’t these self righteous dickheads have anything better to do than resuscitate the Inquisition?

    • Ruh Roh says:

      Mister E: Sure they do — but this is a lot easier and cheaper than actually trying to fix problems in the schools. Plus they get to tell the folks back home what good Christians they are. Florida a voters like that,

  2. Lois Terms says:

    As long as they keep tests like FCAT, there will be prayer in schools.

  3. Neil, A Christian Soul says:

    What is important is the fact that students are now allowed to pray. If a student wishes to commit blasphemy with a false god or mock the process, other students will help them see the error of their ways and pray for them. It is an opportunity – a blessed opportunity – for students who truly love the Lord to do His work right there in school with other students. Some will come around, but others won’t, and even though the students will pray for them, they, like you, condemn themselves. I will pray for them, and for you as always, but you, too are going to hell.

    • Beardsley says:

      Neil: whether you realize it or not (and I’m betting Not), you mention just one more dangerous component of the bill, and that is the potential for bullies to intimidate children who don’t want any part of the majority’s religious agenda. What you call “opportunity – a blessed opportunity – for students who truly love the Lord to do His work right there in school with other students,” I would call unwelcome evangelism and peer pressure on a very personal, private matter. Kids have enough socialization problems without having other kids’ religious beliefs stuffed in their faces.

  4. Oh no, not the vegans! They perform horrible vegetable sacrifices!

  5. mkhall says:

    I think that “traditional bible-harpies” has supplanted Burroughs’ “decent church-goin’ women, with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces” in my phrase book.

    • Squathole says:

      Kevin: I think I cribbed that from Don DeLillo, although — this is a while ago — I think he might have used the term “prayer harpies.” I’m also fond of “chancel prancers,” which I got from Rev. Charles Eastmann, formerly of Coral Gables Congregational Church. Chuck passed away about 10 years ago, dammitall.

  6. Neil, you can keep on doing whatever you want to do with your imaginary friend and so can anyone else, but spare us your phony piety about children being “allowed” to pray. You bullies always play the victim card, and it’s really, really tiresome.

    Oh, and your threats of going to Hell? Trust me, if the afterworld is filled with folks who talk like you, then Pitchfork City is far preferable. As Mark Twain said, “You go to Heaven for the climate, but Hell for the society.”

    Unless, of course, you and your rants are all a big snarky put-on; then to that I say, “nicely played.”

  7. Squathole says:

    Bobby: Neil might be my most devoted reader (pron: “stalker”), and he never fails to remind me that my next zipcode is hell. I like your Twain quote.

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