In Splooge We Trust

I had bookmarked this myself, and was reminded over the weekend by blogger extraordinaire Rctlfy

The Wilmington City Council has gone on record urging the U.S. and Delaware governments to confer the “rights of personhood” on each and every human sperm.

In a resolution, the council declared: “Laws should be enacted by all legislative bodies in the United States to promote equal representation, and should potentially include laws in defense of ‘personhood,’ forbidding every man from destroying his semen.”

The resolution passed, 8-4, Thursday night.

Loretta Walsh, the councilwoman who introduced the resolution, told the Wilmington News Journal: “What’s good for the gander is good for the goose.” —philly.com

Joe Biden, call home.

It’s not every day a municipal body of gubmint channels Monty Python.  (Too bad!)

They’re reacting, of course, to the recent spate of insane legislation that seeks to define “personhood” in such a way that all abortion procedures would be construed as murder, because “personhood,” as defined by these Fascists social conservatives begins at the moment Stan Sperm hits Edna Egg.   This laughable resolution makes male masturbation a criminal offense — murder, in fact.  Good luck with that.

(For more on recent insanity at the state level on abortion, please have a look at Abort Retry Fail ,posted last week.  Thanks to the reliably indefatigable Manny and those who responded for keeping it alive and twitching!)

Maybe it’s just the crowd I run with, but of the many women I know and knew who aborted their unwanted pregnancy, not one treated it lightly, or failed to understand the moral significance of her choice.  In all cases, it was something each determined after careful consideration (and in some cases, prayer) was the best outcome under regrettable circumstances.  

They knew it was already fucked up — they didn’t need outside authority to fuck it up further.  

The same cannot be said of your garden variety wanker, even if he lets out an occasional “OH GOD” as he straddles the paddle.  Furthermore, mandating an ultrasound of his testicles and/or a 24 hour waiting period before tickling the pickle is as practical an approach as legally prohibiting farts.  

And: why?  Which, of course, is the whole point.  

My compliments to the Wilmington City Council.  I recommend they translate “Ridicule Is the Mother of Truth” into Latin and add it to the Official City Seal. 


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17 Responses to In Splooge We Trust

  1. THE MASSPUBE says:

    One good thing about whacking off being murder …you can always self-produce millions of character witnesses who, as people, can be called to testify by your defense attorney. And, its good for the economy….as you’re basically a ‘job creator’ for the towel industry. God bless the imbeciles in Wilmington for saving millions of lives an hour worldwide and for caring about the economy…well thought ut!

  2. Ruh Roh says:

    I’m sure the Catholic church finds this resolution affirming and enlightened. Has Candidate Sanctorum weighed in with his approval yet?

  3. Joe Balls says:

    So now in Delaware that sticky stuff on your hands is blood, too.

  4. Wilmington City Clerks Office. says:

    Dear Writer: We have already taken the first steps in your kind suggestion…”I recommend they translate “Ridicule Is the Mother of Truth” into Latin and add it to the Official City Seal.

    Ludibrium est mater veritatis.

    • Dyslexic Diva says:

      Lubriderm Veritas? I just don’t get it!

      • Wilmington City Clerks Office says:

        Dear Diva: We felt if was more appropriate than, “Truth From KY”
        NOTE: In this context we are not referring to Kentucky.
        Thank you for your interest.
        Sincerely,
        Wilmington City Clerks Office

  5. Steve:

    I don’t know about “indefatigable Manny.” In my better days that thread would already be at 200 comments. I guess I need an antagonist like Alex, who, like me, was always determined to have the last word. I congratulate you, however, for continuing to blog when so many of us have already fallen by the wayside. If anyone is indefatigable, it is you

    Of course, you know the Bible teaches that “Thou Shalt Not Spill Thy Seed Upon the Ground,” which just missed being included as one of the Ten Commandments (beaten out by the injunction not to covet your neighbor’s oxen, or something like that). Still, the offence was sufficiently unholy for God to smite poor Onan.

    • Squathole says:

      Manny: Alex doesn’t come around to comment very often. Neither does your old compadre Rick, although he’s a regular reader. What would be interesting is if the Babbleoo boys chose to swarm here, but they never do. They’d be welcome, of course. Right, Left, Wrong, or Batshit Crazy, it’s all good entertainment. You understand that as well as anybody. (How’s Fantomas?) 🙂

      Poor Onan! Smited for slapping! It just shows that for as long as there have been gods and their holy spokescritters, there’s been a fundamental, immature hang-up about sex. This recent Rash Limpo flap is its latest exposure, if you’ll pardon the expression.

      Always good to hear from you.

  6. Ted End says:

    Who (or what) is “Rectal Fly in the first sentence?

  7. MadamI says:

    I don’t need anyone to tell me when and where to shit or fart and I damn sure don’t want the State telling me what I can or cannot do with my pussy! So there!! Stick that in your orafice!

  8. JudgeNotLestYeBeJudged says:

    So we can add feeding the poor to providing emergency care and finding orphan children homes to the list of services the Catholic Church will no longer provide without political concession in response to news that a Catholic food pantry in Wisconsin would not accept donations from Planned Parenthood.

  9. Rather:

    You are right: not impregnating his brother’s widow was another of Onan’s transgressions in the sight of the Lord. But since this practice, which has full biblical sanction, is not regarded favorably today, Biblical commentators, seeking to obtain some kind of object lesson from Onan’s fall, interpreted “spilling his seed on the ground” as committing masturbation. “Onanism,” in fact, vied with “self-abuse” as the preferred term for that act in the 19th century. But whether Onan was indeed an “onanist” remains an unsettled question. Other biblical scholars, chiefly Talmudists, interpret “spilling seed on the ground” (that is, to no procreative purpose) as code for homosexuality and use Onan as a basis for condemning that as well. Finally, Catholic theologians consider Onan’s sin to be coitus interruptus and on this they base their condemnation of all forms of contraception.

    • Onan Speaks says:

      Hey Dudes, Can I have a say in this.
      Then Judah said to Onan, “Sleep with your brother’s wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to raise up offspring for your brother.” But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the LORD’s sight; so the LORD put him to death also.

      Geez, I haven’t had this much publicity since they named a generator after me.

  10. Rather:

    No, all of that is proscribed by the Catholic Church as well as oral sex.

  11. rather:

    No sexual act that does not directly conduce to conception (or at least the potential of conception) is allowed by the Catholic Church. What Catholics do is one thing (and they do everything that non-Catholics do); but what the Church actually sanctions is another.

    It would be permissible for a Catholic hospital to perform an abortion if it were necessary to save the life of the mother. (See my latest comment apropos of this in Abort Retry Fail).

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