Squirtz

Pressure me at gunpoint to identify one indisputable area of superiority of women over men, I don’t hesitate.  It’s orgasms.   Further proof:

Women may not need a guy, a vibrator, or any other direct sexual stimulation to have an orgasm, finds a new study on exercise-induced orgasms and sexual pleasure…. The findings add qualitative and quantitative data to a field that has been largely unstudied, according to researcher Debby Herbenick, co-director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University.

Herbenick and her colleagues used online surveys to gather their data, which included answers from 124 women who had experienced exercise-induced orgasms and 246 women who reported exercise-induced sexual pleasure. Most of the women, ages 18 to 63 and an average age of 30, were in a relationship or married and 69% said they were heterosexual.

The researchers found that about 40% of both groups of women had experienced exercise-induced pleasure or orgasm on more than 11 occasions in their lives. …The “orgasm” group mostly said during the experiences they weren’t having a sexual fantasy or thinking about someone they were attracted to. — bodyodd.msnbc

Thought to be linked to exercises for core abdominal muscles, they’re called “coregasms.”

Stray (and decidedly politically incorrect) thoughts:

I’m a guy, always have been.  The closest experience to an abdominal exercise-inspired orgasm I’ve ever had was a wet fart.  

Women pop their cookies with mind-bending ease and frequency.  All women.  Even my friends with Jewish wives and girlfriends tell me that sometimes their partners’ climaxes are so intense they drop their nail files. 

I wonder — when Rick Santorum and his drooling hordes of conservatives get wind (!) of this report, will they start a movement to declare exercise illegal for females?  Or insist on a doctor’s note, state legislator’s interview, and transvaginal  examination?

I find it surprising (and amusing) that only 69% of respondents in the survey identified themselves as hetero.  Ever been to a gym?  Maybe half those women are straight, and another 10% are men, or used to be.

Also remarkable — the statement that climaxing women weren’t entertaining sexual fantasies at the time.  This is a major distinction between the genders.  Men have sexual fantasies every 90 seconds, even when asleep.  It rarely leads to orgasm, because that takes a lot of work, especially when we’re driving cars or mowing the lawn.  

Unlike the unidimensional male orgasm, the female species enjoys a wide variety of climaxes, varied but related ecstatic experiences inspired by differing techniques and circumstances.  If the male has any useful role, it consists of his capacity to generate sensations that the female cannot create solo.  This is the distinction between (e.g.) cunnilingus and an elliptical workout device.  (Well, that and the color.)

Altogether: “Tongues…. for the mammaries.”

Finally, in other news, vigorous exercise may decrease fertility.  Another plank in the Rick Santorum platform.  (Thanks, Julia.)
Whew.  I gotta lie down.


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This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Squirtz

  1. Barbara Ganoush says:

    The photo could just as well have been the recent Congressional panel that held hearings on the contraception issue. A pack of middle aged clueless white males with a gigantic blind spot for the obvious.

  2. Camiel Toe says:

    Thank you for explaining the difference between cunnilingus and an elliptical exercise device. In my experience, not many men are aware of this.

  3. Joe Balls says:

    Q: How long does it to take to bring a woman to orgasm?
    A: Who gives a damn? I’m married!

  4. Inquiring Minds says:

    I can’t help but ask……how did any of those guys in the photo discover women have orgasms? I doubt it was by personal experience

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