Economic Stimulus: A Gift From California to Florida

You might have missed the story about the city of Los Angeles requiring adult content producers to mandate the use of condoms as a condition to file for a filming permit.  The industry was understandably upset — think of the, um, climactic role splooge explosions play in porn flicks.  Now LA County is considering a similar ordinance, leading to speculation that the industry may seek greener pastures elsewhere.

Naturally, the nation’s dicktip is a prime candidate:

[T]he adult industry has continued to grow and thrive in the Sunshine State since the early days of the Internet. Some of the reasons for this include the generally progressive community standards in South Florida, the warm climate, and the lack of any state income tax. The cosmopolitan makeup of Miami-Dade County, along with a strong presence from the fashion and modeling industries, results in ready access to many beautiful young women and men who are often willing to perform in erotic-themed material. — lawofsex

Lights!  Camera!  ACTION!!

I love the smell of sexual opportunity in the morning.  And evening.  But how would the state’s political leadership react, thick with obsequious career politicians who are in equal measure pious and spineless when it comes to “non-traditional” enterprise?  Or, as the gambling industry grumbles, WWDS (What Would Disney Say)?

“I don’t think you’d find much support in this administration,” ventures Emma Choad rather stiffly, who takes my call to the Governor’s office.

Why is that?  I thought Gov. Dickwithears’ prime directive was to encourage business in the state.  Here’s a multi-billion dollar industry looking for a new home.

“That part is true as far as it goes.  But the Governor also recognizes that, well, not all business is created equal.  In this case, I’m sure he’d say the minuses outweigh the pluses.”

Kind of a knee-jerk reaction, if you’ll pardon the expression.  Think of the construction industry — new facilities with the latest technology — and all the permanent jobs for writers, actors, marketing and promotions people, technical staff.  Creative industry is all the rage these days.

“I suppose, but at bottom you’re talking about pornography, which is a truly disgusting enterprise.”

Disgusting?  Maybe you’re watching the wrong channels.  I understand this is Florida, but there’s a lot of other material out there besides bestiality.

“The Governor is far more interested in industry that will attract a better grade of investor and labor force than that which is associated with the sex business!”

Is that why he and the Legislature have slashed funding for public schools, the arts, and higher education?

“Look, I don’t need to hear a speech from some a liberal libertine.  I don’t know if the administration would actively lobby against the industry, but I’m certain there wouldn’t be any support, either.”

How about if they started throwing millions of dollars into Republican campaign funds?  That’s worked out well for Big Sugar, the NRA, and the insurance companies.

“Have a nice day.”  She’s gone.

No surprises here — the political calculus, as always, trumps everything else.  The only way they’d welcome the porn biz with open arms (etc.) is if Mickey and Minnie got behind it..  But that idea is just fucking Goofy.

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This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Economic Stimulus: A Gift From California to Florida

  1. theysaidthat says:

    Thank you dear writer.

    I can now enjoy bananas knowing I’m not homophobic

    • * Rim Shot * says:

      I like bananas. They have appeal.

      What I don’t get is why LA government inserted itself (sorry) into this matter to start with.

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