“Lead” -ership

God ‘s in His heaven— All ‘s right with the world!   — Robert Browning

Yes…..and especially in our own neighboring city of Tampa, where the city fathers (known as “Tampons”) are busily making plans for this year’s exciting Republican National Convention.

Tampons, we have a problem:

If Tampa’s proposed rules for the Republican National Convention are passed, protesters could not bring squirt guns into a designated protest zone.  But they could bring real guns if they have concealed weapons permits.  That’s because state law does not allow local governments to enact laws regulating guns, City Attorney Jim Shimberg Jr. said. —tampabay.com

It seems like in a frenzy to accede to whatever the NRA cooked up in its wildest masturbatory fantasies, the Florida Lege passed not only the Stand Your Ground law that is getting a new look this week thanks to the L’Affaire Trayvon,  but also Florida Statute 790.33 that

prohibits local governments from enacting any laws on the sale, purchase, transfer, taxation, manufacture, ownership, possession, storage or transportation of guns or ammunition…..the law allows judgments of up to $100,000 against local governments that enforce local gun ordinances.  It also says local officials could be removed from office and fined $5,000, with no representation from the city or county attorney.

Whoops.  Now what?  Will the RNC turn into an arena of gladiators with guns?  One can only hope.  But the city is on it:

• Citywide, there would be a ban on carrying pieces of wood, hard tubes or anything else that could be used as a club, as well as water guns, super soakers, air guns, paintball guns, explosives, switchblades, hatchets, slingshots, brass knuckles, Mace, chains, crowbars, hammers, shovels, or any container containing urine, fecal matter or other bodily fluid.

• In the Clean Zone, the ban would be expanded to prohibit ropes, straps, tape or string longer than 6 inches, glass containers, ceramic vessels, light bulbs, padlocks and bicycle locks, things that could be used as portable shields and gas masks.

• Inside the protest area, the ban would be expanded still further to prohibit aerosol cans, camping gear, coolers and ice chests, fireworks, lasers, bottles, cans, thermoses, sticks, poles, ladders and umbrellas with metal tips.

The “Clean Zone” is an area designated by the city that includes such hot spots as Ybor City, where partiers tend to get a trifle rowdy.  The “Protest Area” is where the city will shepherd anticipated angry unwashed hordes of Saul Alinsky disciples who want to exercise their First Amendment rights to scream obscenities at their ‘Pub oppressors.

Meaning you can pack and carry your loaded Glock, but not your Right Guard aerosol cans.  This makes sense in a world only where the “R” in “NRA” also stands for “Republican.”

Interestingly, the convention center itself will be under Federal jurisdiction.  No guns.  Think about that.  The pistol-humping party who loathe any restriction on owning, selling, buying, and carrying weapons won’t allow their most faithful and loyal members to exercise the right they live and pray for.  Why is that?

But I thought “a well-armed society is a safe society.”  I thought if more people owned and displayed their weapons, gun violence would be reduced, not inspired.  If Republicans were consistent and sincere, they should mandate arms at the convention.   No Gun, No Entry.  Take your unarmed pink liberal ass outside where the hippies are blowing dope, hugging trees, and braying for a Black Muslim Kenyan Socialist takeover.

Who wouldn’t love to see thousands of Republican party activists armed to the teeth and stuffed in a building to hash out their political differences?  Bang, Bang Lulu!  Lulu, Bang Bang!

But it won ‘t happen because Republican leadership ain’t as dumb as they act and sound.   It’s one thing to be an elitist hypocrite — hell, that pays big dividends in 21st century America — it’s another to stick your neck out for real.  That’s for the cretins, the peasants, and the little people they screw, not the country club Mittneys.

After reviewing the regulations, my e-mail buddy Kevlar the Kop encouraged me to grab my machete and hit the streets.  “Tell ‘em you’re a White Hispanic,” he wrote.  “Make your machete a cultural statement.  ‘Machetes– they’re not just for gardening!’”

Wow.  I look forward to 1968 all over again.

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12 Responses to “Lead” -ership

  1. Newt Gingrich says:

    But it won ‘t happen because Republican leadership ain’t as dumb as they act and sound.”

    I resent and deny this, and my campaign strives to prove it every day.

  2. cljahn says:

    I think the real reason they won’t let guns into the convention itself is that they’re afraid that Dick Cheney will shoot someone again.

  3. Ruh Roh says:

    I sure hope the Tea Party makes a stink about this and shows up armed, the same way they did for all those rallies last year. Let’s see how brave and committed they REALLY are.

  4. The Masspube says:

    In reference to your point about “no containers of fecal matter are allowed in Tampa during the convention”…..I am a law-abiding Republican but I always carry with me my lucky key ring vial of shit. No ordinary fecal matter, this is thoroughbred shit from my horse farm in Kentucky.

    So in Tampa, will I be subject subject to arrest? Yay or Neighhhhhhh.

    How about my dad’s colostomy bag…He’s really conservative and wants to be sure that he can attend without fear of arrest .

    Osta manana from a real conservative

    • Frank of Oregon says:

      Funny fellow — but you know, that question about the colostomy bag may actually need to be addressed, just as it was with TSA procedures.

      I know, it’s a shitty job, but somebody has to do it.

  5. 60s Radical says:

    Any REAL Conservative knows Amendment II reads, “…the right of the people to keep and arm bears, SHALL NOT BE INFRINGINED!” (emphasis added).
    Amendment II does not define Arms so, I’ll be driving my 60 tonne Grizzly tank with my tactical nukes to the “free speech zone” and see who sez, “No.” to me.
    Behind my Griz I’ll be towing my Lynchin’ Trailer with all the necessary accoutrements for a good lynchin’.
    So, get your lynchin’ lists together. I think anyone designated as a “White Hispanic” by the New Yawk Times should be first on the list. Then we can start lookin’ for White Haitians, White Blacks, you know the list.
    There will be tables available for those who wish to regester to vote in The Neck Tie Party!

    “When machetes are outlawed, only criminals will have machettes!” – George Zimmerman (Last words at his lynchin’.)

    • Ted Williams' Head says:

      Hey dude, one question: have you been stoned out of your gourd every day since the 60s, or maybe did you take some time off in the 80s to go to seminary? I’m thinking you were my pastor in Arkansas for a while.

      Inquiring (and detached) minds want to know.

      • 60s Radical says:

        Mushrooms, man…, mushrooms are a sacrement…

      • odtley says:

        yes mushrooms oh yes mushrooms they were my numero uno favorites and not only did i swallow them by the dozzins i used to sell them to the other mentals until our keepers found out and then i had to sell them to the keepers who used them plenty and sold them back to the mentals at a higher price than i was getting so the mentals got mad at me but i told them it was the law of supply and command so there was nothing i could do except increase the supply which i did by sneaking out to the lawn and picking toadstools to sell instead

  6. Pingback: » Episode 19: Vegemite On The Fence

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