God ‘s in His heaven— All ‘s right with the world! — Robert Browning
Tampons, we have a problem:
If Tampa’s proposed rules for the Republican National Convention are passed, protesters could not bring squirt guns into a designated protest zone. But they could bring real guns if they have concealed weapons permits. That’s because state law does not allow local governments to enact laws regulating guns, City Attorney Jim Shimberg Jr. said. —tampabay.com
It seems like in a frenzy to accede to whatever the NRA cooked up in its wildest masturbatory fantasies, the Florida Lege passed not only the Stand Your Ground law that is getting a new look this week thanks to the L’Affaire Trayvon, but also Florida Statute 790.33 that
prohibits local governments from enacting any laws on the sale, purchase, transfer, taxation, manufacture, ownership, possession, storage or transportation of guns or ammunition…..the law allows judgments of up to $100,000 against local governments that enforce local gun ordinances. It also says local officials could be removed from office and fined $5,000, with no representation from the city or county attorney.
Whoops. Now what? Will the RNC turn into an arena of gladiators with guns? One can only hope. But the city is on it:
• Citywide, there would be a ban on carrying pieces of wood, hard tubes or anything else that could be used as a club, as well as water guns, super soakers, air guns, paintball guns, explosives, switchblades, hatchets, slingshots, brass knuckles, Mace, chains, crowbars, hammers, shovels, or any container containing urine, fecal matter or other bodily fluid.
• In the Clean Zone, the ban would be expanded to prohibit ropes, straps, tape or string longer than 6 inches, glass containers, ceramic vessels, light bulbs, padlocks and bicycle locks, things that could be used as portable shields and gas masks.
• Inside the protest area, the ban would be expanded still further to prohibit aerosol cans, camping gear, coolers and ice chests, fireworks, lasers, bottles, cans, thermoses, sticks, poles, ladders and umbrellas with metal tips.
The “Clean Zone” is an area designated by the city that includes such hot spots as Ybor City, where partiers tend to get a trifle rowdy. The “Protest Area” is where the city will shepherd anticipated angry unwashed hordes of Saul Alinsky disciples who want to exercise their First Amendment rights to scream obscenities at their ‘Pub oppressors.
Meaning you can pack and carry your loaded Glock, but not your Right Guard aerosol cans. This makes sense in a world only where the “R” in “NRA” also stands for “Republican.”
Interestingly, the convention center itself will be under Federal jurisdiction. No guns. Think about that. The pistol-humping party who loathe any restriction on owning, selling, buying, and carrying weapons won’t allow their most faithful and loyal members to exercise the right they live and pray for. Why is that?
But I thought “a well-armed society is a safe society.” I thought if more people owned and displayed their weapons, gun violence would be reduced, not inspired. If Republicans were consistent and sincere, they should mandate arms at the convention. No Gun, No Entry. Take your unarmed pink liberal ass outside where the hippies are blowing dope, hugging trees, and braying for a Black Muslim Kenyan Socialist takeover.
Who wouldn’t love to see thousands of Republican party activists armed to the teeth and stuffed in a building to hash out their political differences? Bang, Bang Lulu! Lulu, Bang Bang!
But it won ‘t happen because Republican leadership ain’t as dumb as they act and sound. It’s one thing to be an elitist hypocrite — hell, that pays big dividends in 21st century America — it’s another to stick your neck out for real. That’s for the cretins, the peasants, and the little people they screw, not the country club Mittneys.
After reviewing the regulations, my e-mail buddy Kevlar the Kop encouraged me to grab my machete and hit the streets. “Tell ‘em you’re a White Hispanic,” he wrote. “Make your machete a cultural statement. ‘Machetes– they’re not just for gardening!’”
Wow. I look forward to 1968 all over again.