Lips That Touch Lips…..

You know, I really really dislike foodies.

Police have arrested three people for allegedly killing at least two women, eating parts of their bodies and using their flesh to make stuffed pastries known as empanadas that they sold to neighbors in their northeastern Brazil city.  — Miami Hurled 

I rather hope this isn’t the forward end of a trend in Latin American cuisine — if it is, be certain it will spring up somewhere in south Florida soon.  And then we’ll have all these fussy, sniffing, pursed lipped bloggy people out there picking apart the flavors and concocting all sorts of ethereal descriptions for the human meat they stuff in their yawning pie-holes.  Can you handle a cooing analysis of buttock steak?  Did the drumstick have traces of femur?  Do blue eyes taste the same brown ones?  Did Chef remove the wax from the ears before presenting them on a bed of crisp green arugula and chopped radish in a clear vinaigrette?  Hmmmm?

Gak.  This is revolting.

But foodies are only marginally more disgusting than when it isn’t cannibalism.  They manage to make the human presence atop the food chain into something obscene, when it’s truly a circumstance calling for gratitude and humility.

The good news seems to be that this dining experience wasn’t as much about the stomach as it was about saving the earth and purifying the soul:

The three suspects – a man, his wife and his mistress – belonged to a sect that preached “the purification of the world and the reduction of its population,” police inspector Wesley Fernandes in the city of Garanhuns told the Globo TV network Friday…..The newspaper Estado de S.Paulo said the man, Jorge Beltrao Negromonte, wrote a 50-page book titled “Revelations of a Schizophrenic” in which he says he hears voices and is obsessed with the killing of women.

Okay, maybe it was a little about some guy gone batshit crazy, too.  A Brazilian Frank Perdue — It takes a tough man to make a tender chick.

As for the lucky neighbors who sampled these tasty delicacies, well, they didn’t exactly give it a 5-star rating:

Police found the remains of the two women in the backyard of the suspects’ house, which enraged neighbors burned to the ground Thursday.

Don’t look for a hot dog stand to open on the charred premises.

Stories like this one send me to the refrigerator in search of carrots.  A foodie review would send me to the bathroom to barf.

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7 Responses to Lips That Touch Lips…..

  1. Can O'Balism says:

    Is a McGina on the Value Menu? I’ll have McLadyfingers and a McBloodshake please

  2. Piles says:

    I don’t have a problem with foodies, but I rarely read a review that says any more than, “I liked this, and my companion didn’t like that,” and “the portions were (small/adequate/large pick one).” Oh, and sometimes they talk about the ambiance and parking options. Pass.

  3. rbhexem says:

    What’s there to say? Yum, yum.

  4. Idi Amin says:

    A real foodie would point out that human flesh is nicely seasoned by a mojo combining Frank’s Hot Sauce and lime. My kitchen staff discovered this when preparing our delicious pygmy hors d’oeuvres, which we served at many state banquets.

  5. Pumblety Meg says:

    Men are such carnivores.

  6. mkhall says:

    That should be carniwhores, amirite, Meg?

    “… The worst pies, in Garanhuns… “

    • Gore Vidal says:

      @mkhall: Wow, Ha, and LOL!. There’s no more impressive personality in these barbaric United States than a twisted literate pervert. Assuming you’re an American. Thank you.

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