Hard Ride

Sufferin’ springs‘n’shocks, Batman — where do we begin?

A California man has sued BMW North America and a motorcycle-seat maker claiming that a four-hour round-trip ride on his 1993 BMW bike with a “ridge-like” seat gave him “a severe case of priapism (a persistent, lasting erection)” that’s lasted 20 months and counting.

The lawsuit for emotional distress says [plaintiff] is “now is unable to engage in sexual activity, which is causing him substantial emotional and mental anguish.”….According to the lawsuit, [plaintiff] wants compensation from BMW and Corbin for lost wages, medical expenses, emotional distress and “general damage.”  — USAToday

Helluva strategy to launch your career as a porn model, innit?  I imagine he’s fielding offers to share even his X-Rays, at this point.

Has Guinness been contacted yet?  Is a 20 month hard-on a record?

No doubt Corbin-Pacific (the seat maker) has taken steps to ramp up production of this particular model, confident that the aging population of motorcycle riders will grab at this heaven-sent device for one last (but long-lasting) rodeo romp.  In fact, I see new cycle designs on the horizon, all sporting multiple seats.  Suggested name: “The Godsend.”

“Twenty months and counting.”  Twenty minutes would be a nice treat for most of these old-timers.

Another advantage: this guy can get as drunk as he pleases and never fear rolling out of bed.

He can also have breakfast without getting off his bike — coffee in one hand, bagel(s) conveniently stacked.

You get the, um, point.  Share your best takes in the comments, below.

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4 Responses to Hard Ride

  1. Ya' Gotta' Guessit says:

    “Is a 20 month hard-on a record?”

    Note even close, Squathole – weren’t you ever 14?

    • Mister E says:

      @Ya: Those were my exact same words. I remember staggering through 3 years of high school slamming into walls, day after day with no relief. Even when I beat it down it came back in no time. Actually I miss those days.

  2. Pingback: » Priapism On The Fence

  3. Diesel Fitter says:

    The treatment for this involves inserting a narrow, pointed device through the dick hole, down the length of the shaft, and toward the …… actually they don’t have to do that — just show him the tool and explain the process. He’ll be soft as blancmange in the beat of an eyelash.

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