This story hasn’t received the attention it deserves, despite Bob Norman’s excellent presentation:

Dania Beach Mayor Pat Flury doesn’t like the humorous Cahoots newspaper — so she went after the publisher at a recent commission meeting.

Flury called it a “junky” newspaper, claimed all it did was insult her city, and told the Chamber of Commerce that if it didn’t expel Cahoots publisher Jeff Hanson, aka Cap Peterson, from its board she’d evict the chamber from city property.

Commissioner Anne Castro had her own words the satirical beach quarterly that highlights local businesses at the same time it occasionally pokes fun at local governments. She said the city should cut all funding from the chamber if it supports Cahoots, which is also distributed in Hollywood.

The Mayor is wrong on many levels.  First of all, Cahoots doesn’t insult her city; and while it satirizes it, it also promotes it and its few remaining businesses.  But one needs a sense of humor to appreciate the distinction, and the mayor and her avoirdupoidically blessed sidekick Ann Castro appear to be as challenged in that department as they are longitudinally.

She’s also wrong when she threatens the integrity and independence of the Chamber, an error exacerbated by the uncomfortable fact that there are First Amendment issues at stake here.  Cahoots might be a rollicking, slapped-together joke which trades on questionable taste, but it’s unquestionably a newspaper, subject to the Constitutional protection afforded the press and media.  Indirectly, at least, she’s stifling free expression.  Granted, “stifling” is consistent with her and Dania Beach’s overall style, but that doesn’t excuse it.

Seems to me that Dania Beach ought to be proud of Cahoots.  Politically, its elected officials could score some points if they embraced its humor and creativity, and cited it as evidence that they’re in touch with the trends, culture, and entertainment it uniquely presents.

It’s mind boggling to this Hollywood resident that Official Dania Beach would even pick this fight.  The city’s so-called business section is a flyblown ghost town — even Grace Gallery has given up its struggle and will shut down forever this summer  — where every third storefront on Federal Highway resembles a plywood showroom.  The city’s idea of civic improvement consists of tearing down buildings and streamlining streets that encourage traffic to keep going, not stop, park, visit, and shop.  It’s Urban Removal on steroids.   Its main drag is a transvestite.

It would be amusing if she carries out her threat to evict the Chamber from its HQ.  That would in effect make the Chamber of Commerce homeless, like much of the bedraggled population wandering the deserted downtown streets, peeing freely and shouting abuse.  Chamber meetings could be convened in cardboard boxes and on bus benches, catered by sympathetic soup kitchens.  How fitting.  How sympatico.

I’ve never been able to understand why, given its seaside location, system of canals, and proximity to the highway and airport, Dania Beach has proven itself incapable of developing into a flourishing, even charming little city.  It can’t be because of its leadership, can it?

Nah.  Must be the bad press it gets.

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10 Responses to Cahooters

  1. Denny the Dania Transvetitte says:

    I got mentioned ont Squats blog! I am so happy!

  2. Tanya Hyde says:

    Many many years ago, when I was still a young teenager, the group which eventually became Tanorexics Anonymous staged presentations on the beaches of every Florida city about compulsive suntanning, skin cancer, and health concerns. The city of Dania was on the schedule, but at the last minute an official called and told us we’d be “unwelcome.” It seems they were concerned we would advocate public nudity, and they worried that our presentation would be “family unfriendly.”

    In fact, we Do advocate nude sunbathing, which is why we’re headquartered on Haulover Beach. But we kept swimsuits and shorts on for our presentations, and nobody else in south Florida ever raised this non-issue. What I’m saying is that Dania had its head up its ass even back then.

  3. MADAM I says:

    Kudos Squatman! Couldn’t have put it better myself…

  4. Denny the Dania Transvetite says:

    I am really depressed this story hasnt gotten more comments but then again it is about Dania Beach which really doesnt have too much going on for it…. Hopefully when newly elected officals take office things will turn around. Once we get rid of some in office that shouldnt be there and have done nothing for the city except well pick on Cahoots and bully people and interupt people during the meetings….

    Now, can I be elected the Dania Goodwill AmbASSador to welcome people to Dania?

    • Frank of Oregon says:

      Denny: When I first relocated to south Florida my first apt was in Dania. I left after 11 months and moved to Oakland Park. Dania was just depressing, and I had to leave the city to shop, eat, date, and work. In other words, to live. I had to leave! In 30 years, it’s actually gotten worse. The only real positive addition has been Bass Pro.

      They picked on the newspaper because it’s easier to complain and blame others than it is to fix a problem themselves. It’s what bad leadership does all the time. It’s why Dania is the dump it is.

  5. ForLife says:

    Dania is not a dump. Its our home. It can use improvements and does have its downfalls. But calling my hometown a dump is like me calling you a pompous ass. The location is ideal and so is the weather. I have met some good friends here. I guess if I did not like it I would not have lived here for the last 25 years.

    • Squathole says:

      “But calling my hometown a dump is like me calling you a pompous ass.

      My guess is that most folks would agree with both ends of this assessment. Thanks for your comment, and please come again.

  6. Truth Hurts.... says:

    Hmmm, Flury who left Dania in a Hurry doesn’t like Cahoots, well aint that too damn bad!!! Dania didn’t like her either. As for her saying that Cahoot’s picks on her city. Just what is her city? Cahoot’s doesn’t pick on Fort Lauderdale where she lives.

    As for calling Squats a pompous ass. Yeah sometimes he is but he is also intelligent and funny as hell too! Gotta get to know him.

    Its a slow Sunday morning and I searched Dania on here and this popped up. With Flurry in the news so much I figured this should come back alive.

    Anyone seen Denny around town? haven’t seen him in probably close to a year now.

  7. Mr Schwinnckle says:

    Not that Furry is gone, can Cahoot’s come back? 🙂

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