Stand and Deliver

Turns out all this world-wide concern is over the “uro,” not the Euro.

Western Europe is abuzz with the latest flare-up in the war between the sexes, and for the moment, the Amazons seem to be winning. If outrage continues to mount, it will soon be not just uncool and politically incorrect for a man to urinate while standing up, but out-and-out ILLEGAL. Yes, the liberated women of France and Germany and Holland have vowed to put their men down – on the toilet. They carry placards showing a huge red X scrawled across a man standing to urinate. They shout: “Laissez tomber votre pantalon, et asseyez vous! (Drop your trousers and sit)!” “Behalte deine Tropfen fuer dich (Keep your drips to yourself)!” “Toch niet weer een vieze plas op MIJN badkamer vloer (Not another filthy puddle on MY bathroom floor)!” — NakedScientists

Reading this, is anybody else tempted to pee in the sink?   How about on the walls?

It’s not even a little bit surprising that this issue has arisen.  At a time when the world confronts gigantic, seemingly insurmountable social/political/economic problems that threaten the very fabric of civilization, forcing leaders and commentators to focus intently, inevitably society’s feeble-minded feel neglected and take steps to draw attention to themselves.  Massive unemployment, 4 years of depression, the EU in turmoil, and these women are concerned about drops of urine on the floor of the loo.

Get ready for Occupy Urinal.

Would it be impolitic to point out that this alleged problem wouldn’t even exist had there not been such PC pressure to create unisex bathrooms?  And that the real culprit here is the disappearance of the trusty urinal into which men happily directed their streams swiftly and accurately, and with minimal use of water to flush, too.

I fondly recall urinals filled with mountains of ice — wasn’t that fun?  Some bars had 8-foot long vats into which we poured our second-hand beer, standing shoulder to shoulder and wordlessly competed for strength of stream and length of session.

Or standing there privately, dick in hand, the day’s sports page tacked on the wall to read while attending to business.

How about the sign Polish Patrons: Please Don’t Eat Bathroom Mints?  (Below which one irritated customer had written, “Yo funny Buy you a drink.  — Stosh Czybrizklinski.”)

The series of scrawled messages above your head.  Look Up Here (arrow).  No Over Here (arrow).  Until you’re practically turned around to read Hey Stupid You’re Pissing On Your Shoe.  Or, Don’t Look Up Here The Joke Is In Your Hand.

’Way too much fun by ourselves for women to tolerate.  It’s a guy thing.  They wouldn’t understand.

Somewhere, Senator Larry “Wide Stance” Craig is smiling.

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Stand and Deliver

  1. Mumblety Peg says:

    Men are such pigs.

  2. Barbara Ganousch says:

    I agree with Peg — ever since rest rooms became unisex I’ve put up with more puddles of pis on the floor than I do at home with rwo nervous dogs. I don’t know if forcing men to sit down is the answer, but something needs to be done.

  3. julesagray says:

    Great Tappy McWidestance reference!

    • Nobody says:

      We believe it when he says this never happened, and he’s not gay.

      • julesagray says:

        He’s not gay? Really?

        Hmm… you’re supposed to stop pushing to Q-tip in when you feel pressure.

      • Piles says:

        Hmm… you’re supposed to stop pushing to Q-tip in when you feel pressure.

        I assume this is a sounding technique, although the soft end of the Q-Tip rather defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?.

  4. Ted Williams' Head says:

    The plan is to compel men to sit down while urinating right? How will this law be enforced? Inquiring (and detached) minds want to know.

  5. ya' gotta' guessit says:

    Ah, the Veterans’ Stadium Pee Trough; accessible from both sides, so you’d always be facing another fan with a bladder full of Ortliebs.

  6. Borkon says:

    Anybody remember the rusty pis-vat at Gregory’s in Somers Point? I remember some poor staggering drunk zipping up, turning around, and passing clean out. (Seven for One times Five, I suppose.) If it hadn’t been for the guys he was standing shoulder to shoulder with he’d have ended up in the vat where for certain the next dozen guys would have pissed at him.

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