Waaaaaaal, lessee. Another summer day, another rippin’ good yarn ‘bout a gun-totin’ ‘Merican shootin’ somebody’s face clean off’n his fool haid:
A jockstrap pulled over a student sports manager’s head in a high school locker room more than 50 years ago provoked a 73-year-old South Dakota man to fatally shoot his long-ago classmate.
Carl Ericsson of Watertown was sentenced to life in prison Friday. Ericsson was charged in the killing of retired Madison High School teacher and track coach Norman Johnson, who was shot twice in the face as he answered his front door.
Kenneth Meyer, the Lake County state’s attorney, said Ericsson has indicated that the decades-old locker room incident led to the shooting. Johnson was a high school sports star and Ericsson was a student manager. — FoxNews
Wow. Locker room prank goes rogue. And another Mitt Romney vote lost.
You think this incident will be cited in the current barnstorming movement against school bullying? Bully the wrong little wiener and half a century later he comes gunnin’ for you? Somehow I suspect not.
I would like to hear more about the mental state of the involuntary jock sniffer. I wonder if this seminal (sorry) experience colored his attitude toward athletes and sports in general. I wonder what his demons looked like — giant tightie whities? Ace bandages? Crusty jock straps stinking of adolescent sweat that leaped and grabbed at his face, screaming with evil laughter and jeers?
As for Coach Johnson, he missed his calling: Jerry Sandusky recruited guys like this in the Penn State locker room and for his charitable organization benefiting wayward boys.
I would also like to monitor the inevitable scene where Ericsson explains his sentence to his cellmates. “Sumbitch wrapped my haid in his filthy jockstrap 50 y’ars back — fahn’ly set his ass straight, yep.” Is there any doubt he’ll be picking fabric from his dentures every day for the rest of his miserable life?
Of course, the real tragedy here is that Coach Johnson answered the door empty-handed — unarmed, unprotected, vulnerable. Out on the fruited plain, where guns are as iconic as horse shit and choon-tabacca, a man owes to himself to watch his own ass at all times.
Meanwhile, no fewer than six attorneys sent letters to the victim’s family suggesting civil litigation to recover damages, not from the gun company, but rather from the manufacturers of the undergarment involved with the prank. Contributory negligence, conspiracy, and product liability. Is this a great country or what?