A Wing and A Prayer

Miami New Times has been doing an admirable job keeping abreast of developments in the world of competitive eating.  I recommend the recent profile of Sonya “Black Widow” Thomas, the 98 pound reigning chicken wing champion.  She scarfed 183 in 12 minutes — that’s 91 dead birds.  The last one now flies in circles.

And then there’s this charming tale of Bubba the Love Sponge:

In a stunt dubbed the “Homeless Miami Cannibal Face Eating Challenge,” Bubba strapped masks made out of meat to two bearded men and then had two other people eat the meat in what we guess is a race. This is funny in the same way that looking at your own shit in the toilet is funny, which is to say, not very to anyone with an IQ over 45. — NT

Bubba’s talent rests with his  capacity to transform the despicable into the deplorable.  It’s hard to believe he’s not somebody’s elected representative somewhere.  Or at least on the board of an arts council.

Elsewhere, another wing-eating champion has landed in some hot water of his own:

 A New Jersey man who’s earned the moniker “El Wingador” for winning multiple chicken wing eating titles has been arrested on drug charges.

Police say William “El Wingador” Simmons was taken into custody last Friday in Harrison Township after he was pulled over by New Jersey state troopers, who found approximately $8,000 worth of powdered cocaine and more than $4,000 in cash in the vehicle, — CBSNews

Well, a man has to eat.  Not to mention train.  I imagine it gets expensive.

Finally, Hooters has decided to get into the act:

Chicken wing expert, Hooters of America, LLC, announced that it has engaged Major League Eating (MLE) to sanction and produce a circuit of wing-eating contests across the United States that will conclude at the Hooters Wing-Eating World Championship in New York City. The finale will take place in late July as part of a weekend celebration of National Chicken Wing Day.

The champion of the ten-minute contest will win $500 and a trip to New York to compete in the Hooters World Wing-Eating Championship. —Major League Eating

That’s right, Major League Eating partnering with corporate America.  Salty, fatty junk food!  Beer!  Sexy waitresses!  Take it on tour!  All that’s missing is a football game or a car wreck.

This is all repulsive and appalling, even more loathsome than the fey, fussy bickering of lip-smacking  foodies.  Among a population brimming with eating disorders — from morbidly obese to anorexic —  living cheek to jowl with malnourished families whose children’s sole hot meal is the gruel they’re fed in school — what justifies glorifying gluttony?

Forget the car wreck.  Get god involved — throw some Christians to the lions.  Animals need to eat, too.

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment, News From the Nation's Dicktip. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to A Wing and A Prayer

  1. Barbara Ganousch says:

    As a cat owner, there is no doubt in my mind that if the lions had been in charge, they’d have Christian-eating contests.

  2. Dawgbowl says:

    Whew. I’m glad you found an excuse to work in a photo of a Hooters girl.

  3. 60s Radical says:

    “…what justifies glorifying gluttony?”
    We must glorify gluttony to… THIN THE HERD!

    Add Soylent Green to the school lunch programs!

    Anybody go a good tofu eating contest in there area?
    The naked PETA girs always make an appearance… {8-O

  4. 60s Radical says:

    Anybody go a good tofu eating contest in THEIR area? Meaning THEIR area around THERE where THEY’RE living… {;-)

  5. Elemenno P says:

    Competitive eating doesn’t interest me at all, but I don’t feel the same contempt you exhibit here. In fact, it strikes me as a bit hypocritical — aren’t you the tanorexic? Why is that self-abuse so different from this one?

    • squathole says:

      One difference, P, is that food is a scarce commodity in many places around the world, and people are starving to death. While these asshats are playing games, millions of people are going to bed hungry. That isn’t true of sunshine. When I sit in the sun, I’m not taking away anybody else’s life support.

      • Mr. Mirth says:

        I don’t know about anyone else but, seeing you baking in the sun with all those tourists covered in oil…, I would lose my lunch… {8-0—

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