Oh, goody! Here in the Banana Republic of South Florida (BRSF) it’s Election Day, which means FINALLY all those goddam fucking robocalls from candidates and their assorted paid committees will finally stop plaguing us.
The one that thoroughly fried my ass came from some ancient shmenk named Sheldon Lisbon. He’s running for the Florida House seat currently occupied by a fellow with unfortunate name of Gibbons (here’s his web site). Sheldon earned the ire of the Anti-Defamation League for an ad he ran which drew attention to the fact that he’s Jewish, his opponent isn’t, and because there are many Jewish voters in the district, he is somehow ethnically more qualified. In response, Sheldon called the ADL “a despicable organization.”
So I get this robocall, a message recorded by some child who giddily tells me in a shrill little girl voice about her grandfather, Sheldon Lisbon, and how wonderful he is. Vote for her grandfather, she suggests. Vote for her beloved zayda.
Based on this call, Sheldon, you are cordially invited to eat shit and die. What the bleeding hell were you thinking? Not that it matters. In fact, I can’t vote for Zayda Sheldon or swingin’ Joe Gibbons. I’m registered neither ‘Crat nor ‘Pub, so I sit out these horrid primary farces. That doesn’t stop them from insulting whatever intelligence I have left.
The other issue of interest (to me — the ineligible Green Party voter) is this attempt to repeal the Miami-Dade ban on keeping murderous pit bulls. How silly. Pit bulls don’t maul children and chew up other dogs, their teeth do. If regulations that are already on the books against pit bull dental practices were enforced properly, this wouldn’t be a problem, but unfortunately, the socialist Muslim liberal Castro-hugging Obama Democrats in Miami are soft on crime. So I agree, this prohibition against owning ferocious unmanageable dogs with a track record of mayhem and murder needs to be repealed.
As further evidence, here’s a video of a pit bull destroying the bumper of a police car. Look closely — his tail wags the whole time. How sweet.
Besides, look at the photos. Gibbons are cuter than pit bulls. Not to mention Zayda Sheldon.