Mal de Mer

Guido is back from her cruise.  She and two friends departed on a Disney ship last Sunday.  This leaves me a few hours to repair the wreckage to the house created by 4 days of bachelorhood surrounded by 7 cats and a dog during a rainy week.

I’ll get to it later.  Mostly.

This opportunity came up suddenly, and I insisted she take it.  There is no way on earth I will ever set foot in a cruise ship, and it seems like something that anybody so inclined or curious ought to try.  So she either takes a shot like this or waits for me to keel over.

Bad choice of words.

Anyway, she had a wonderful time without me, which is no surprise, although as you will be quick to point out, that might have been more the “without me” and less “the cruise.”

My experience with water craft is similar to my interaction with oral surgeons, and about that pleasant.  As a child, I was on a 6-hour deep sea fishing boat off Cape May, NJ during which I was helplessly seasick for 5½ of them.  I got sick in a motorboat on a creek south of Wilmington, DE.  I did okay on a fishing boat off Acapulco one year, but only after spending an hour shitting my insides out — the crew was real happy about that — then getting drunk at 9 am for the rest of the tournament.

But the best story concerns my experience on a gorgeous, brand-new 65 foot Hatteras luxury yacht I got to walk through during the International Boat Show.  Midway down the carpeted hallway in the bedroom area, as lush and polished as a high-end hotel suite, I got lightheaded, dizzy, weak in the knees…..and I felt my stomach coming up into my throat.  I got out of there as fast as I could, sweating like a marathoner, gasping for breath.

Here’s the kicker: the boat was parked on the cement floor of the Miami Beach Convention Center, nowhere near the water.  Think I have a head problem?

So  a cruise is out of the question.  Hell, I don’t even take baths.

Welcome home, Guido.

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5 Responses to Mal de Mer

  1. Atlantic Flounder says:

    We miss you, Upchuck Charlie. When you commin’ back to feed us again?

  2. odtley says:

    one time i got seasick so they gave me some kind of pill was supposed to help but it really didnt in fact it made me sicker and sicker and really stoned feeling almost tripping so when i finally threw up i remember the colors were amazing so cool that for a while i took the pills even when i wasn’t seasick just to get high and throw up

  3. Squathole says:

    @odtley: As much as I love the way you share these amazing tales and insights here, you really need your own blog to post them regularly. I’ll link to it, honest.

  4. julesagray says:

    I’m getting (sea)sick just reading this.

  5. guido says:

    There is nothing like a few gal friends getting together for a girls-only get-away. We ate, drank, and danced the nights away. And yeah, maybe just a little boy-bashing. It’s just the thing to make me appreciate the gem of a gentleman you are. The house looked as good as when I left; the animals were all alive & well. I had a great time. And now, having experienced a cruise, I can be assured you would be absolutely miserable at best. That’s ok. If I ever feel the desire to do this again I’m sure the girls will be ready & raring to go. But don’t worry; I’m not going anywhere without you for a while. Thanks for the push to go and taking such good care of things. That’s why I love you.

    P.S.: sorry to blow your image as a curmudgeon.

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