Screw election news. That’s so yesterday. Today, let’s do erections.
According to an article in Rolling Stone, which I can’t link because the RS website is more primitive and inaccessible than a medieval castle, there’s a new strain of gonorrhea out there, and it spreads more easily through oral sex. It’s called Lewinskypustulica, and among its long-term effects are blindness in children born to women who’ve contracted it, sterility, and increased HIV risk. Short term risks are the usual burning, swelling, and “truly disgusting pus.”
This is already a whole lot more pleasant than election results, innit?
(Everything in the second paragraph is true except the name of the strain.)
Evidently health officials are concerned because, according to their research, “oral sex is somehow regarded as safe sex,” especially among younger people, who think of it as “trivial.” It’s certainly safer if your concern is pregnancy. We know that full-on intercourse mightily tempts the fertility gods, and as for anal sex, well, where do you think lawyers come from?
As a happily married man (that’s for the record) with a full and satisfying sex life (within the limits of old age and prostate cancer), this issue doesn’t impact me directly. I Got Mine. Back in the day, my biggest concern was a dose of the clap, relatively easily remedied by a regimen of drugs. In the old days, it might have been the old whale bone. (FGI, and be prepared to cringe.)
Poor kids. At a moment in time when inhibitions recede into irrelevance, sex is available, porn abounds, and juices surge and overflow like hurricane-borne ocean tides, deadly diseases evolve and intrude to ruin the party. Jimmy Carter was right: Life is Unfair.
Wow. Jimmuh said a mouthful.