Going Ape

Guido informs me that this is the year I blew my own cover.  Limited by the cast on her arm, she directed me through the many stages of cleaning, slicing, cooking, serving, etc. that go into preparing the house and a large meal for Thanksgiving.  Usually she does about 90% of it while I attend to other pressing concerns like absorbing sunshine.   That era abruptly ended.

Oh, well.  The fact is, I used to do a whole lot more in the kitchen — when we started this household, we pretty much divided food prep chores.  But she’s much better at it than I am.  Guido enjoys cooking and she both has a gift and studies at it.  She likes kitchen tools and improvising on recipes and celebrates new techniques she comes across.  Me, I’m happy to open cans.   My favorite devices are the bottle opener and microwave.

The deal has been, she cooks I clean up.  But I can apply myself and work with food properly.  And now it’s my job.  Again.  The free lunch is over.

Back to the outside world:

A 22-year-old man clubbed a monkey to death with a tree branch, after he was bitten by the animal while trying to steal it from a Boise zoo, prosecutors allege. — Yahoo.com

It’s a jungle out there.

What pocesses somebody to steal a monkey out of a zoo?  Sex?  Did he have a buyer lined up?  Just for the hell of it?

[He] broke into the zoo after a night of grief-fueled drinking, [his Public Defender Gary] Reedy said: An aunt had recently died, and Watkins’ grandmother had been diagnosed with cancer only days before. So he went into Boise for a night out with friends and family.  “He was taking it very hard,” Reedy said. “He became intoxicated.”

Smack you ass and wave your willie if you’ve ever been tempted to break into a zoo and steal a monkey when intoxicated.  In fact, I remember when my own grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.  The closest thought I had to stealing a monkey was feeling sorry for my father.

Speaking of parents:

[The suspect’s] father..said he can’t believe his son entered the zoo wanting to do the monkey harm.  “He’s not a malicious monkey murderer. I’m thinking the monkey attacked him and he just tried to defend himself. I don’t think he ever intended to kill it; he’s just not that kind of guy.”

What’s this — a Stand Your Ground defense?  And how about this high praise from Dad: “He’s not a malicious monkey-killer.”   Well, actually, he is.  He also has a record of drunken driving and probation violations.  But he never stole a freight train.

I don’t know what one does with human beings who behavior toward animals is worse than the animals’ at their very worst — and even at that, animals don’t act out malice.  (Obvious exception: my cats.)  Maybe beat him to death with a tree branch?  Nah.  That’s beyond cruelty.  Trees shouldn’t die for this sin.

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3 Responses to Going Ape

  1. rbhexem says:

    That 22-year-old idiot needs to be put in a cage, with a half dozen big-ass, angry gorillas.

  2. odtley says:

    this time of year i remember the thanksgiving i was a teenager incarcerated with a bunch of mostly other teens some of who had severe eating disorders and how the bulimics said they were lucky because they got to enjoy their holiday supper over and over and over

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