Remember The Alamo! (Mexico Does)

The following isn’t verbatim: I had no recording device with me, nor did I take notes.  But it’s a decent recounting of a conversation on which I rudely eavesdropped a few days ago. 

“So because of this option to file petitions with the Federal government, all 50 states have residents who want their home state to secede from the US?  All 50?”

Texas-Secession“Yeah.  And guess which state has the most signers.”


“Right.  Although people in Austin said if that happens they want to secede from Texas.”

“They might want to do that anyway.  Texas never really joined the Union to begin with.  You drive through that state you’ll see more Texas State flags than stars and stripes.”

“Texas State fags.  I think the US should honor the request.  Let ‘em go.”

“Damn.  That would take some serious buy-out negotiations.  Federal land, highways, military bases, buildings……where’s the money coming from?”

“Oh, shit.  Anything you name can be worked out over time.  Down payment now, roll the rest out into a 30 year mortgage and plan on refinancing at least 3 times before default.  As long as the banks make their money it’s fine.  That’s how I kept my car for 10 years.”

“And lost a wife.”

“Yeah.  Bitch.  Win-win.”

“So what happens after the papers are signed — now this Texas Nation place gets to negotiate treaties with the rest of the US, print its own money, write its own Constitution?”

“I guess.  Anything they want.  It’s their fucking country, right?  They could make Rick Perry King.  Or Kinky Friedman.  Or a goddam mule.  But I’ll tell you what I think would happen real fast.  Like, in 24 hours after the deal.”

“They round up all the Mexicans and deport them?”

“Close.  Mexico declares war, launches an invasion, and takes the whole damn state back.  Without the US military army or border control, they get overwhelmed by a whole army.  By the time the US stops laughing, it’s all over.”

“Heh.  And then what — they throw out all the gringos, send ‘em back to Oklahoma?”

“The ones they don’t kill or kidnap for ransom, yeah.”

“I like it.”

“Yeah.  Me, too.”

For the record, Gov Perry entertained the idea of secession when he was botching his laughable presidential bid early this year, but his most recent position is against it.  No comment from the mule.

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6 Responses to Remember The Alamo! (Mexico Does)

  1. Hose B says:

    mexico doesn’t give a bean-fart about the Alamo — that’s a Texas gringo thing. Most people think ‘rental cars’ when they hear ‘Alamo.’

    While you’re at it, Mexicans don’t eat the agave worm in tequila bottles for two reasons: 1 — tequila doesn’t have agave worms, Mescal does, 2 — Mexicans don’t eat worms, they just like telling tourists it’s a tradition and getting a laugh out of watching then do it.

  2. Frank of Oregon says:

    Be sure their new Constitution makes English the official state language, Christian the official state language, and handguns the official state fetish. All in the name of freedom and small non-intrusive government, of course.

  3. Worked out OK for the Florida Keys. We sill party every year on the day we declaired it the Conch Republic.

  4. Dawgbowl says:

    “No comment from the mule.”

    After quoting Rick Perry, I guess you meant the OTHER mule.,

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