Pro-Boner, Anti-Boehner

Hello — what’s this?

Dozens of prominent Republicans — including top advisers to former President George W. Bush, four former governors and two members of Congress — have signed a legal brief arguing that gay people have a constitutional right to marry, a position that amounts to a direct challenge to Speaker John A. Boehner and reflects the civil war in the party since the November election. — NYTimes

410926578_McBoehnerRINO_xlargeSo it’s not just Florida, where our very own Gov Dickwithears has repudiated his own positions on Medicaid and education funding in the weeks following the ‘Pub’s national humiliation at the polls.  Say — is there any truth to the rumor that next week he’ll renounce himself entirely, and morph into Alex Sink or Charlie Crist?

Elsewhere on the national front, we see ‘Pubs actually admitting, for the first time in, well, forever, that there might just possibly be waste in the military!  Led by Oklahoma’s Tom Coburn, these ‘Pubs have decided that against all historical precedent (read: everything they swore was the god’s honest truth and anything those commie liberals said in disagreement amounts to anti-American lies, hatred, and bumfuckery), maybe there’s room in the military budget to cut spending:

Sen. Tom Coburn, R-Okla., best known for his fiscal conservatism and annual publication of the Wastebook, yesterday provided a 73-page booklet about wasteful spending by the U.S. Department of Defense. The booklet, “Department of Everything,” so named due to the non-defense expenditures by the DOD, reveals that if such items were cut from the budget, the agency could save $68 billion over the next 10 years.  — yahoo.com

What gives?  I call my pal Brisbane Pocks, faithful Republican operative, and ask him what led up to this 180 degree change of heart.

“Well, it sure wasn’t principles,” he begins, chuckling.

Brisbane!  Please!  I would never imply anything like that.

“It’s all numbers, that’s all,” he goes on.  “When it comes to fags, Dems got ‘em, we don’t.  Oh, sure, there’s the Log Jabbin’ Republicans, but the rank and file — and let me downplay the word “rank” — recognize how much we white male Republicans despise their candy asses.  So we do the right thing, the smart thing.”

You buy them.

“Right-arino! Same with the illegals.  You think all of a sudden Republican Congressmen, who are on record as wanting to shoot Mexicans on sight and ship every unregistered slope back to the Turd World, have had some sort of Saul of Taurus moment and seen the light?  Grow up!  They see the way to the next election is to embrace the unmentionable.”

And as dyed-in-the-wool spineless hypocrites, liars, and poseurs, they do it.

“Score!  Like Injun Bobby in New Orleans said after the election, we gotta stop being the Stoopid Party.  Losing is the stoopidist thing you can do in politics — look at Al Gore.  And in politics, you don’t have to change anything real, just your image.”

You honestly think people will buy this?

Brisbane laughs heartily.  “Yew asshole — I’m in politics!  I don’t honestly think anything!  You know that!  Besides, we still got our guns!”  And still laughing, hangs up.

Sheesh.  It’s almost enough to make me feel sorry for John Boner.  Almost.

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6 Responses to Pro-Boner, Anti-Boehner

  1. Neil, a Christian Soul says:

    As a Christian who loves the Lord, this development is very upsetting, suggesting that the casual acceptance of moral depravity that characterizes one major political party already has spread to the other. This in turn suggests an imminent natural rebuke along the lines of a tsunami or Hurricane Sandy, perhaps an earthquake. While I deplore this circumstance, I will pray for those who have wandered astray.

    • Joe Balls says:

      Better watch your holy ass, Neil. If these model heroes of yours succumbed to the creeping curse of homosexuality, YOU COULD NE NEXT! How do you know it’s not CONTAGIOUS? Bwoo ha ha ha ha ha!

  2. Flaming Yon says:

    While I’m glad to have them with me than against me, it’s difficult not to shake one’s head and wonder why it takes so-called leaders and intelligent people so long to grasp the obvious, even when it’s thrust in their faces. (I know the answer, and you’ve laid it out nicely here.) Why after almost 240 years of independence are our politics so primitive?

    PS Go away, Neil.

  3. syrbal says:

    I must need coffee, STAT…I read “Gov Dickwithears” as Gov DickWITHERS. I guess either one might work?

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