That’s funny, innit? Except for the coincidence of geography, it has nothing to do with the crackpot sagas below, which I wish I could tell you I got off The Onion or Mad Magazine, but if I did I’d be lying:
A 7-year-old boy Baltimore boy was suspended from school after his teacher complained that the boy chewed a breakfast pastry into the shape of a gun, the boy’s father says.
In a note that was sent to parents Friday, Park Elementary School officials told parents only that “a student used food to make an inappropriate gesture,” WBFF-TV of Baltimore reported.
The boy, Josh Welch, a second-grader, told the station he was actually trying to shape a mountain, “but it didn’t look like a mountain really, and it turned out to be a gun, kinda.”
Josh’s father, B.J. Welch, called Josh’s two-day suspension “insanity.” — nbcnews
Josh’s dad is being ‘way too kind. “Insanity” suggests something or somebody out of control. The problem here is ‘way too much control, and, as is often the case, it’s in the hands of precisely the wrong people. In the asylums we call schools, hysterical imbeciles incapable of reason, judgment, and lacking a sense of humor belong inside padded rooms, not administrative offices.
But wait! There’s more:
Northumberland County, PA — A five-year-old girl is “the least terroristic person in Pennsylvania” but saying she was going to shoot classmates and herself with her pink “bubble” gun got her kicked out of school
Last week, the kindergartner was chatting in line while she was waiting for the bus. No one’s sure exactly what she said, but according to the family’s attorney, she told classmates something like, “I’m going to shoot you and I will shoot myself. She didn’t have the Hello Kitty Bubble Gun with her at the time, but when school officials got wind of the conversation, they questioned the little girl, suspended her for her making a “terroristic threat,” according to The Daily Item newspaper, and told her parents she needed to be evaluated by a psychiatrist.
“All I know,” the mother told the paper, “is what my daughter has told me and she said she was told she could go to jail, which is a very traumatic thing for a five-year-old to live with.”
The attorney says the little girl was questioned for about three hours, without her parents. —nbcPhiladelphia
It took these genius educators 3 hours of interrogation (presumably no waterboarding, or it might have gone faster) to conclude that the 5 year old bubble-gun bandit is a terrorist. And they still have jobs.
So there you have it — further evidence that when nominally intelligent people don’t know what the hell they’re doing, instead of doing nothing they’ll do something stooped and harmful, because they think they have to do something. Anything. Q.E.D.
We really do have a serious problem in this country with guns and violence. We genuinely need to curb the number of gun-related incidents that take away lives, cripple innocents, and ruin families. This isn’t the way to do that, in fact, this is the way to NOT do that. Acting hysterically just generates contempt and destroys credibility. It hardly needs to be pointed out that none of this does a damn thing toward ensuring anybody’s safety.
I wonder if there’s any truth to the rumor that based on these accounts, the TSA has offered them jobs.