Bullets and Burgers and Stamps, Oh My!

Fresh picked from The Huffington Post and the Billy Pulpit — some statistics for your amusement:

A study by Mayors Against Gun Violence reveals that Florida has 3.2 times as many federally licensed gun dealerships as post offices….In fact, the group reports, 99.3% of Sunshine State residents live within 10 miles of a firearms dealer.

Double_Shot_Liquor_GunsYes, and the counter service is probably a lot better, even if the clerks don’t wear cute blue and grey uniforms. Studies reveal that most people feel safer inside a firearms dealer, too — after all, there’s a reason it’s called “going postal,” not “going ammo.”  And unlike post offices, firearms stores aren’t union shops.  Which is why there’s Sunday AND Saturday delivery.

We should be grateful, I suppose, that nobody has suggested selling guns and ammo at post offices.  But I bet somebody somewhere has proposed arming letter carriers.

The statistics are also alarming in light of a review by Harvard University’s Injury Control Research Center that found “a broad array of evidence” indicates that where there are more guns, there is more homicide. The Atlantic reports that 9,151 Floridians died by gun between 2007 and 2010, behind only California and Texas.

Those are impressive numbers.  Remember, Florida’s population is smaller than the other two states’, which means not only fewer killers, but fewer targets.  So give the National Rifle Selling Association and their gun fetishists lots of credit here for keeping the human population culled, especially children who take bullets in the brain from drive-by 2nd Amendment gangstas with automatic weapons.  And lord knows we can use the parking spaces.

But I wonder: are states where the ratio of post offices to firearms dealers is less lopsided, are there more magazine readers?  The printed variety, not the ones filled with bullets.

Nationwide, there 58,344 federally licensed gun dealers in the United States, according to the mayors group, which is nearly four times the number of McDonald’s.

This is unsettling. It’s hard to believe that there are more anythings than McDonalds.  The damn places sprout on the landscape like chancres on a syphilitic.  But four times as many?  This suggests the American appetite for deadly weapons actually exceeds its gluttonous lust for greasy fries.  We’re doomed!  If the cholesterol doesn’t kill us, some armed crackpot will!

What we really need now is an exploding stamp that tastes like a Big Mac.

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6 Responses to Bullets and Burgers and Stamps, Oh My!

  1. Red White & Blue says:

    Why do you hate America?

  2. Stan Garde says:

    Ever notice? It’s fun going to a firearms shop. It’s agony dealing with the post office. In every sense of the word, it’s a far more deadly experience.

  3. Dawgbowl says:

    “Get Ur Shots Here.” I saw the same sign outside a veterinarian office.

  4. syrbal says:

    And here I thought we had high culture with liquor and a hardware store at the same venue!

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