Game of Thorns

bail moneyI am happy to report that I retain all appendages issued with my standard equipment at birth after using a chain saw for the fourth time.  For a ten-thumbed clodpate who inevitably breaks either every tool he handles or the object on which he deploys his tools — and/or severely injures himself in the process — this is remarkable.

I’m a hurtin’ cowboy though, because yesterday’s exercise involved a very large and ornery citrus tree with multiple twisted-up dead branches.  Citrus tree branches are covered in very sharp thorns, and they’re often host to hostile spiders, biting ants, angry birds (not the computer game variety), and all sorts of mold.  Makes you wonder about eating the fruit.  Our tree is — was — enormous, in fact it’s probably 4 or 5 trees growing out of a single root ball, some of which mostly died and were little more than brittle black branches, no fruit or leaves, just towers of thorns.

Today it looks and feels like I was rolled downhill in a barrel of nails and Africanized bees.  At least I had the foresight not to attempt this barefoot or ungloved, but if I’m working outdoors and the sun is shining, well, you know — a tanorexic can sacrifice only so much.  Besides, red blood leaking across a suntan is kind of colorful.

True Floridian that I’ve become, I replaced the blood I lost with beer. Win win.

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8 Responses to Game of Thorns

  1. Joe Balls says:

    If the ONLY thing you did was remove dead branches, it doesn’t matter, butt you know his isn’t the best time of year to work on a citrus tree. Ideally, you want to do your trimming after the harvest, before the next season’s blossoms. It’s tricky, because the two phenomena often overlap, which is why many times one ends up harvesting fruit before it fully ripens.

  2. Tanya Hyde says:

    “…a tanorexic can sacrifice only so much.”

    FWIW, I’m 100% with you on this: citrus thorns are brutal, and stepping on just one can cripple you for days. I know too well, having grown up in orange groves. But this means you got to work in the sun, which is a wonderful way to even one’s tan. Come down to Haulover Tanorexics Anonymous and finish the job on those parts you had to cover up. 🙂

  3. Lukraakvars says:

    Haha everything about this post was funny, from the pic to the replacement of blood with beer. Nice one. I laughed. A lot!

    • Squathole says:

      If you laugh enough, you work off the beer. Maybe you and I should colaborate on a Giggles and Suds Diet Program. Is there a market for that sort of thing in SA?

    • Ted Williams' Head says:

      You say SA has the best beer? Which ones would you say are among them?
      Inquiring (and detached) minds want to know.

      • Lukraakvars says:

        Well I’m not a beer connoisseur (if there is something like that) but I would say Castle Lager or Draught, Black Label, Windhoek Lager, these seem to be most popular.

  4. syrbal says:

    Sounds like dealing with my very northern rose hedge….and I don’t even get fruit off those bloody minded “ladies”!

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