I am happy to report that I retain all appendages issued with my standard equipment at birth after using a chain saw for the fourth time. For a ten-thumbed clodpate who inevitably breaks either every tool he handles or the object on which he deploys his tools — and/or severely injures himself in the process — this is remarkable.
I’m a hurtin’ cowboy though, because yesterday’s exercise involved a very large and ornery citrus tree with multiple twisted-up dead branches. Citrus tree branches are covered in very sharp thorns, and they’re often host to hostile spiders, biting ants, angry birds (not the computer game variety), and all sorts of mold. Makes you wonder about eating the fruit. Our tree is — was — enormous, in fact it’s probably 4 or 5 trees growing out of a single root ball, some of which mostly died and were little more than brittle black branches, no fruit or leaves, just towers of thorns.
Today it looks and feels like I was rolled downhill in a barrel of nails and Africanized bees. At least I had the foresight not to attempt this barefoot or ungloved, but if I’m working outdoors and the sun is shining, well, you know — a tanorexic can sacrifice only so much. Besides, red blood leaking across a suntan is kind of colorful.
True Floridian that I’ve become, I replaced the blood I lost with beer. Win win.