Pie Are Round, Not Square

Jules, this one’s for you.

Today’s email brings a polite little note on behalf of an agency to which I offered my grant writing skills.   Seems they’re having trouble making a decision, and it will be a few more weeks before they do.  Apologizing for the unanticipated delay, the note begs my patience, requesting only that if I become unavailable, please let them know.  The note, signed by an attorney who identifies herself as the Principal of “Employees Relation Group,” a third-party consulting firm handling the agency’s HR and contracting, contains the following sentence:

 “The interview process is taking longer than we expected and would have liked, please except our apologies.”

 “Except” our apologies.  And how about that comma’s graceful rhetorical linkage?   I read it 3 times, open-mouthed.  These are people evaluating my credentials and qualifications as a writer.  Applying this standard, I should establish a consultancy advising executives on their style and apparel. 

PS  Please let me know if you don’t get the title of this post.


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7 Responses to Pie Are Round, Not Square

  1. julesagray says:

    Awww! Thanks, pookie!
    Oh I got this ‘thank you and fuck off’ response the other day for a writer job. “At this point in time, their isn’t space on our teem for someone with your obvious talents. Good luck and thank you for considering us.”

    No, no…the appreciation is on this side of the table, trust me.

    • Barbara Ganousch says:

      Oh my goodness — seriously? What was the position — Asshats Kwarterly Review?

      As a veteran English teacher — 23 years in the public schools — I feel with each passing term that not only has the battle been lost, we’re losing ground in the entire war.

  2. Bob says:

    4 goudaness sakes……..I mean sacks, as in _uck sacks……..those bastards! And pass the Gouda woood ya

  3. Ted End says:

    I don’t get the title. What’s square pie?

    • guido says:

      Ted, no wonder you don’t get the title. Either you can’t read or you have absolutely no comprehension skills what-so-ever. (Maybe both) The title is “Pie Are Round, Not Square”; as in the are no square pies…..just blockheads like you.

    • Squathole says:

      Ted, you even get wrong what you don’t get at all. Are you in Human Resources, too?

      For the record, it’s from an old joke about a guy interviewing for an engineering job. The clod doing the interviewing is a typical HR hack who knows nothing about anything, just fills out forms all day. Seeing on his resume that the candidate majored in mathematics, he asks him to “say something in Mathematics.”

      The engineer isn’t sure if this is some kind of trick or if the interviewer is a stone idiot. So he says, “Pi are square,” the formula for calculating the circumference of a circle.

      (See where this is heading, Ted?)

      The interviewer nods his head like he understands, fills out some paperwork, and the candidate moves to the next step. An hour later, the interviewer comes back and tells him, “Congratulations, you’re hired.

      “But listen,” he adds, in a confidential tone. “I had some doubts about this. Just for the record, Pie are round. Not square.”

  4. Kent Standit says:

    Yeah but the way I heard it is the HR guys says, “Pie ain’t square. It’s round.” Then again, I heard it as Rubber Balls and Liquor. Maybe you’re a closet dyslexic. Get pleh.

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