Yahoo Yoho Keeps Florida on World Stage

To listen to world leaders, one might suppose that this debt-ceiling business is a serious business.  Something about crashing the world’s economy, sending every nation back or deeper into recession, a total financial abyss.  E.g. —

Leaders at World Bank and International Monetary Fund meetings on Sunday pleaded, warned and cajoled: the United States must raise its debt ceiling and reopen its government or risk “massive disruption the world over,” as Christine Lagarde, the fund’s managing director, put it.

This cannot happen, and this shall not happen,” Baudouin Prot, chairman of the French bank BNP Paribas, said at a meeting of the Institute of International Finance also being held in Washington. “The consequences of this would be absolutely disastrous.”

Wolfgang Schäuble, the German finance minister, issued his own urgent appeal. “The fiscal standoff has to be resolved without delay,” he said in a statement released by the I.M.F.

Jamie Dimon, the chief executive of JPMorgan Chase, painted a bleak picture of the days ahead if there is no resolution.  “As you get closer to it, the panic will set in and something will happen,” Mr. Dimon said at the international institute event.  “I don’t personally know when that problem starts.”

Ms. Lagarde’s counterpart at the World Bank, the American physician Jim Yong Kim, said the world was “days away from a very dangerous moment….The closer we get to the deadline the greater the impact will be for the developing world,” he said.

Anshu Jain, the co-chief executive of Deutsche Bank, said on the international institute panel that his executive team had been trying to make contingency plans in case of a default, but it had struggled to come up with measures that would significantly stem the losses.  “You don’t want to go into all of it,” he said. “This would be a very rapidly spreading fatal disease.”  — NYTimes

Snork.  Piffle.  Like these world leaders and international financial experts know what they’re talking about, right?  Bunch of bean-counters waving their little hands, rattling their ivory bone teacups in pants-piddling panic.

And you don’t have to dig too deep to see how many times these pundits got it as wrong as it gets, only to come back and goof it up even more.

So, relax.  Contrast these doomsayers with the sunny, down-to-earth wisdom of Florida’s own Representative Ted Yoho:

“I think we need to have that moment where we realize [we’re] going broke,” Yoho said. “If the debt ceiling isn’t raised, that will sure as heck be a moment.  I think, personally, it would bring stability to the world markets, since they would be assured that the United States had moved decisively to curb its debt.”  — Washington Post interview

“I ran on not raising the debt ceiling,” he has said elsewhere.  “We will not default. And I think it’s a lot of hype that gets spun in the media.”

yohoThe freshman Congressman represents north central Florida.  His website describes him as a “large animal veterinarian, small business owner and family man. He is also a Christian and conservative Republican who has called North Central Florida home for the last 35 years.  Unlike the entrenched politician, Ted has spent the last 30 years in the trenches…”  [Note to urbanites: he word “large” in “large animal veterinarian” applies to the animals, not the doctor.]  He gained some notice recently by complaining that a proposed tax on tanning salons was “racist against white people.”

So, really, if Dr. Yoho isn’t worried, why should we be?  Obviously his sophisticated grasp of international monetary policy, gained during decades of experience with his head up the asses of various species of cattle, and his wide-ranging management perspective after 2 years in government combine to make him the go-to expert on matters like this.  Ignore these lily-livered effeminate Europeans and sly money-grubbing Asian “experts.”  We are all Yohovians now.

That noted, here’s a heads-up, Ted, about a change in licensing here in the nation’s dicktip:

[A[of Jan. 1, anyone paid to apply fertilizers to lawns and landscapes must have the “Limited Certificate for Urban Landscape Commercial Fertilizer Application” license. To obtain this license, all fertilizer applicators must obtain training, which is provided at most UF county extension offices in Florida. — Miami Hurled

Mind your p’s and q’s, is all I’m saying: you never know where the forces of the evil socialist Muslim Kenyan might be lurking, and if they get wind — sorry — of your spreading bullshit like this without a license, there could be trouble.

Meanwhile, carry on!  At least until Thursday, when the world’s credit crashes.

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3 Responses to Yahoo Yoho Keeps Florida on World Stage

  1. Hugh Bris says:

    If this fucktard didn’t exist, The Onion would have invented him.

  2. Ruh Roh says:

    Give credit to the lunatics who elected him and others like him. They’re willingly ignorant, and proud of it. Today there’s a rally in Washington where the teaparty is screaming to impeach the President — meanwhile, they’re waving Confederate flags. As patriotic as they are educated.

  3. syrbal-labrys says:

    Damn, this guy is so weird that I Freudian read the title as “keeps Florida WILD”…and I don’t think my Unconscious meant that in a good way.

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